obstacles

April 29, 2009

i really hate being away on vacation because my family’s ALWAYS around, so i have to eat. not that i want to go completely ana, but i don’t want to eat so much. you see, for skinny people my family eats ALOT… and therefore, they expect me to also eat alot. but i’mobviously trying to lose weight… do you see my dilemma?

i’ve been sleeping in mose mornings (so i’m not eating breakfast) and getting forgotten in the whirlwind of activity during lunch, so i can get away with eating lightly then, but then dinner comes. and the inevitable dessert. and my fam just LOVES to push the second helping and whatnot. if anyone is reading this, do you have any advice?

you see, today i’ve only had about 380 calories, but it started just like that yesterday and i ended up eating about 1060. i mean, that shouldn’t happen. i have a goal here and it’s already shorts season so i have to reach is FAST!

:-/

my inspiration

April 28, 2009

ok, my new favorite person EVER is Julia Frakes from the Bunny Bisous blog (if you haven’t read it, you should). not only does she have AMAZING (though eccentric) style, but she’s also super skinny:

love the tights here

love the tights here

the hat and the bag... and the tights. gosh, i wish i could put outfits together like she does!

the hat and the bag... and the tights. gosh, i wish i could put outfits together like she does!

this is one of my favorite pictures of her. there are so many strong colors in this outfit (though, admittedly, you really can't see it) but they aren't overpowering eachother. if i wore this... i don't know, but it wouldn't look nearly as good.

this is one of my favorite pictures of her. there are so many strong colors in this outfit (though, admittedly, you really can't see it) but they aren't overpowering eachother. if i wore this... i don't know, but it wouldn't look nearly as good.

goals

April 28, 2009

i’d at least like to look like this:

selena-gomez-bikini-1-01_large

but if i could choose, i’d want victoria justice skinny like in these pics:

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://pics.livejournal.com/aergonaut/pic/000yz95d/s320x240&imgrefurl=http://groovysmoothie.livejournal.com/240217.html&usg=__IoeG4vhRGqkYEwsCMw2RBzH_a00=&h=202&w=320&sz=23&hl=en&start=31&sig2=majWIbBRaNiON3EH0ZL_tw&tbnid=aC929fMYq5dHVM:&tbnh=74&tbnw=118&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dvictoria%2Bjustice%2Blegs%26ndsp%3D18%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1T4DMUS_enUS237US237%26sa%3DN%26start%3D18&ei=jkv3SaChGY6nmQfrl4yZDg

(i’m not sure why i can’t insert these)

anyway, so far today i’ve had a bar (140 calories) and a snack of pretzels and soy milk (100 calories). i think i’m proud. i hope i won’t have to eat too big a dinner, though it’s difficult with my mom always watching me. i made the mistake of letting on that i’m unhappy with my body, and since she was opnce anorexic and a lot of my friends are, she’s on the lookout. 😦

what happened

April 28, 2009

when i got on anti-depressants, i started eating more. and gained weight. however, i hadn’t realized just how much until i went shopping yesterday. suddenly, the sizes that i’d always worn just didn’t work. the 0 shorts i tried on were uncomfotably tight; the xs tops showed off my newfound stomach fat. i had to turn away from the mirror.

you see, i’m a fashionista. i love clothes and fashion and used to have the body for showing off my latest looks. it kills me that i don’t have that any more.

i started this blog because i need to change; i need to get skinny again, one way or another. i’m going to try to do this the healthy way– eating healthy and working out– but if that doesn’t work swiftly, i am prepared to travel the not-so-healthy route of anorexia. i know that there are others out there who feel like i do, and we can help eachother.