what happened

April 28, 2009

when i got on anti-depressants, i started eating more. and gained weight. however, i hadn’t realized just how much until i went shopping yesterday. suddenly, the sizes that i’d always worn just didn’t work. the 0 shorts i tried on were uncomfotably tight; the xs tops showed off my newfound stomach fat. i had to turn away from the mirror.

you see, i’m a fashionista. i love clothes and fashion and used to have the body for showing off my latest looks. it kills me that i don’t have that any more.

i started this blog because i need to change; i need to get skinny again, one way or another. i’m going to try to do this the healthy way– eating healthy and working out– but if that doesn’t work swiftly, i am prepared to travel the not-so-healthy route of anorexia. i know that there are others out there who feel like i do, and we can help eachother.


17 Responses to “what happened”

  1. Effy said

    Hello, I totally understand you. I’m a fashionista too but when I got sick (been lying in the bed too much and eating to much to have energy), I gained a lot of weight (I was really skinny before.. in a natural way) and stopped having great style because I didn’t dare showing off my “new body” in my skinny jeans. Not that I fitted in them either. I’ve tried eating less but stop after one week because I binged at a friend’s house or something. Need to get my old body back.

    Seriously, we need to help each other to achieve our goals! I’m about 94 lbs now, yeah, i know it sounds little but I’m pretty small too.. and I don’t have any muscles. And even though it’s only 94, i look like 150 lbs. What is your goal?

  2. Effy said

    I’m 5’4! My goal is around 88 pounds too. Yes, and I’ll start now!! Need the support. I just ate a little bit.. but it will stop. Now, i’ll only focus on school. I had final exam today and I didn’t eat (apart from a yoghurt and a couple of grapes) during 6-7 hours and I didn’t even feel hungry. Maybe being really really focused or busy with something will distract you from eating.

  3. rayel said

    hey, i just started reading your blog; and its really comforting to read your posts and know that i’m not alone. I also think its cool that you aren’t overly obsessed.. i’ve read blogs where the girls are completely hopeless and their ultimate goal is death… My goal is similar to urs, to be thin.. though i’m sure we both have more underlying desires deeper than just the surface. i’d love to message more.. sometimes i feel so alone without anyone to talk to. i really need some friends right now…

    • karnii said

      i know how you feel. we were talking about EDs in health the other day and i couldn’t help but feel like no one truly understands. i mean, we were watching this video and people were laughing. it was very distressing.

      anyhow, i’d love to be your friend!

  4. rayel said

    hey karnii, that sounds wonderful! Do u have an email? or facebook?

  5. hereisyourletter said

    I really like your blog. It’s nice to compare notes with my own thoughts. I also like the pics you post.

  6. Lotti said

    wow…I am not alone 😀 I have had problems with weight since age 11 and decided to go on a diet, and i did loose 15kilos about 7sizes…i kept it up for like 4 years. But than i had an excident (fell off the stairs and snapped a muscle in my leg) i was not allowd to cross country anymore and since it happened at Xmas I obviously gained weight. I realy need help

    • karnii said

      no, you’re definitely not alone! anything you need, i’m here! and feel free to email if you have any specific questions because i’d love to try to help if i can!

  7. Ellesee said

    Hi, so I just started reading your blog, and I am loving it! Where do you find all of your thinspiration? I just look on search engines, but I keep getting the same results everywhere. Anyways, it is so nice to know there are other people traveling the same route I am. I started exercising about a year ago, and it quickly spiraled into a diet, which led to what i am assuming is anorexia. I count calories and restrict as much as I can. I want to be thin because thin is beautiful. Anyways, i got off on a tangent! 🙂 I actually have a pro-ana blog I just started. I was hoping that by creating a blog I could find other people like me to talk to. Check it out here if you want to – http://empty-perfection-pro-ana.blogspot.com/
    Gosh, i feel like one of those sales people at the kiosks in the mall. 🙂
    Only go if it interests you. I would never want to force anyone to do anything!
    Stay strong!

    • karnii said

      i’d LOVE to take a look at your blog!

      as for my thinspo… i’ve started looking more at models, fashionistas, people in the industry, etc. because they all tend to be quite thin!

      good luck! and keep visiting 😉

  8. questforhotness said

    Glad to have found your blog. I wish I were skinny to have style and love clothes again. I used to when I was young, but now I’m about 3 times what I used to be and well into 250lbs or so? It disgusts me and I hate myself, but I’ve also realised that only I can get myself out of this situation. Hope you’ll visit my blog http://yearning4perfection.wordpress.com/
    looking forward to getting to know you better.
    Stay skinny

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