thinspo (yay!)

May 31, 2009

it’s been way too long since i’ve posted any, so here’s some thinspo:

ones of my faves

ones of my faves

24

25

26

i’m kind of pissed today because the calorie counter bracelet i ordered from ps evolution STILL hasn’t come. i mean, it’s been multiple weeks so i’m assuming it has to be made?

ok, i guess i’m a bit too impatient. i’m just really excited for it! what if it changes my life?

food:

brunch:
cliff bar- 220 cal

dinner:
matzo ball soup- 500 cal :-/
soda- 50 cal

dessert:
cheesecake- 800 cal 😦

snack:
pretzels- 50 cal

exercise:
walking- (-) 350 cal

which brings my total to 1270, which is alright. i DO have a deficit today (unlike yesterday) but it isn’t a big one…

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looser

May 30, 2009

my size 2 jean appear to be too baggy for school now; they just look sloppy. they look fine at the beginning of the day, but then they get stretched out with all the sitting and hardly touch my legs. i think that’s a good sign. maybe i should get a size 0 now…?

breakfast:
greek yogurt- 110 cal

lunch:
pizza- 225 cal

snack:
cookie- 100 cal

UPDATE:

dinner:
spring rolls- 250 cal

dessert:
cake- 800 cal 😦

which amounts to 1500 which is waaay over my goal thanks to my midday cake binge… darn cake. i feel like i’m going to look really fat tomorrow, and it sucks.

on the bright side, i made a shocking discovery: those size 2 jeans that i keep mentioning? they’re actually a size 1. 1! how could i have missed that?!? still… that’s pretty cool. that means that not only am i getting too small for a size 2, but also a size 1. yay!

random question:

May 30, 2009

why is it called a blow job when it’s actually quite the opposite?

i mean, seriosusly. what a stupid name.

if anyone had any ideas as to why this is, please enlighten me.

appeasement

May 29, 2009

Today’s word is appeasement. Why? Because we’re having dinner guests and that’s what i’m going to have to do: appease them… meaning, i’m going to have to eat. luckily, i’ve done alright so far today. i’m only at 200 cal (!):

Breakfast:
crackers: 75 cal

Lunch:
crackers: 75 cal
pretzels: 150 cal

Snack:
greek yogurt: 100 cal
cookie: 150 cal

Exercise:
walking: (-) 300 cal

UPDATE:

Dinner:
noodles- 300 cal
pizza- 250 cal

Dessert:
cannoli- 400 cal 😦

Exercise:
dancing- (-) 100 cal

which brings my total to 1100.

that kind of stinks… i mean, it’s not such a bad number, but i’d been doing SOOO well and i’d walkied so much and… urg!!!

but today wa about appeasement. appeasement…

something new

May 28, 2009

i think i have a terrific idea: maybe, just maybe, if i record everything that i eat and the calories on this blog, i will feel more inspired. good idea? i don’t know. regardless, i shall start today:

breakky:
greek yogurt w/ honey- 100 cal

snack:
greek yogurt w/ honey- 100 cal

dinner:
2 toasts- 195 cal 😦

dessert:
cookie- 100 cal :-/

TOTAL: 495 cal

i think i like this already!

this day, i pretty much have an out. my mom says that since i was sick i should take it easy and eat lightly (just having yogurt, toast, etc.) so this could have easily been a 200 or 300 calorie day… but nooo. i want to have another yogurt and sneak a cookie because i’m craving sugar.  now i’m just under 500… which i’ve got to admit is pretty darn good, but i can’t help feeling like i could have done better. :-/

by the way, i finished wintergirls this morning. i have one more thinspiration quote but the book is far away and i’m feeling lazy, but i’ll get it to you eventually. anyway, i felt like it was really REALLY good, but i found the end somewhat disapointing. i won’t say anything else because i think that everyone who has an ED should read it and i don’t want to give anything away.

let them eat cake

May 28, 2009

yes, i had cake yesterday. and you know what? it was goood! and the thing is, i don’t feel too bad about it. first off, it was the only thing i ate all day. so i had a few more cal than i’d like, but it wasn’t a total calorie overload. second, i had some nice diarrhea afterwards (i’m sorry if it’s too much info…) which i assume cuts down on the calories somewhat. third, it was really really good. it wasn’t just a cake, it was a high-quality masterpiece. i ate slowly and thoroughly enjoyed it.

today i’ll go back to my old ways. and it feel so wrong, but i’m glad i had some fun.

EDIT: i really need to stop inabling my poor eating habits… 😦

0 cal

May 26, 2009

i think i caught another flu today. oh, joy. let’s just say that i had many unpleasent bathroom experiances this afternoon…

i started off the day a little heavier than i’d like (a 180 cal Lunabar) but it didn’t digest so here i am, at 0 cal. it’s weird. i haven’t eaten nothing for… i don’t know. years? i’d feel really good aout myself right now if i weren’t so afriad of having a relapse. :-/

happy memorial day

May 25, 2009

you know what’s weird? i keep having dreams that i’m in musicals, and i’m usually the star or have a really good part with at least one solo song. but i never actually know what i’m doing. i don’t know my lines or my cues or blocking or anything. in the one i had last night, i didn’t know the words or the octave of my solo song until 30 seconds before i went on.

why is this? any dream interpreters out there? does this have anything to do with weight loss? because i feel like the dreams started around the time i really got commited…

anyway… i feel really yucky right now. full and bloated… even though i really didn’t eat too much today. i mean, i ate 1300 cal which i’m not thrilled with but for full-on eating for a day, it’s not bad. so why do i feel like i’m going to explode?!?

my bracelet still hasn’t come in the mail… you know, that calorie tracker bracelet i ordered about a week ago. and i feel like i really need it. now. oh pleeease come! i need to get back on track… and today was hot which just reminded me of how far i have left to go some more. ugh! i hate the heat.  😦

so… i read some more of wintergirls today. it’s good… and pretty trippy. so far, i still really like it. here’s another quote:

I am the space between my thighs, daylight shining through.

yay! ok… i’m REEEALLY tired (can you tell? i feel like i’m writint really fast and not really thinking…) so i’m just gonna go now. and oh! happy memorial day! yay!

ciao

so far, i’m REALLY liking this book. i’m a writing snob, and this is really, pretty good– surprisingly good– AND has ana. it’s almost perfect, you know?

anyhow, here’s quote #1 (and don’t worry, i won’t give away anything important):

I am shiny and pink inside, clean. Empty is good. Empty is strong.

and #2:

At [99 pounds] I think clearer, look better, feel stronger. When I reach the next goal, it will be all that and more.

Goal Number Two is 95, the perfect point of balance. At 95, I will be pure. Light enough to walk with my head up, meaty enough to fool everyone. At 95, I will have the strength to stsy in control. I’ll stand on the blocks hidden in the toes of my satin ballet slippers, pink ribbons sewn into my calves, and rise above up in the air: magical.

At 90, I will soar. That’s Goal Number Three.

Now, if that isn’t thinspiration, i don’t know what is.