back to the future

May 22, 2009

gosh, i hate that movie.

anyhow, here’s some diets i’ve come up with for myself over the years. i just thought it was interesting that they’re usually so focused on restricting (i’ve begun wondering if i don’t have ana, but an EDNOS…). i tried to put them in chronological order:

The Nicola

This is Nicola:

 

Want to look like her? Well, alright!

She can be described as “uptight”—most likely the kind of person who picks at her food and doesn’t do sweets. It will be tough, but you CAN do it!

So… here’s the actual day-to-day plan. It’s not separated into specific meals, for sometimes you have to go out with your family for lunch, etc. and they expect you to eat! Actually, it’s more of a checklist which you can use to check what you ate off:

ð       1 cup low-fat milk

ð       At LEAST 4 cups of water (preferably around 6)

ð       Low-cal breakfast bar or fruit

ð       Low-cal dinner or soup

However, you shouldn’t feel obligated to check off everything from the list, and furthermore, you shouldn’t eat anything that does not appear on the list. Got it?

My statement:

I, ______________________________, will abide by these regulations of The Nicola starting promptly on January 1st of 2008. I will not give up and I will not slip up! I will not lose faith because I know I can do it! I will begin to see results and I will be proud of them! I will no longer be an unhealthy eater; I need to focus on living rather than eating.

 GOOD LUCK! I believe in you… don’t let me down!

Cutting the Crap: Processed Foods

            Processed foods pretty much suck! They are filled with all these toxins and crap that can really screw up digestion and your body overall. In this way, they are terrible for your health! In fact, eating a lot of processed foods can allow you not to live as long as some who tries to limit her intake. So what do you do?

            It’s simple: you have to cut them out of your diet. Of course, because these foods are everywhere nowadays, it will be hard to truly cut them out and you may have to have some exceptions but YOU CAN DO IT! Here’s a list of some non-processed foods that will be kind to your body AND you really like!

  • bananas
  • grapes
  • strawberries
  • whole wheat/ grain
  • certain cheeses
  • humus
  • peanuts

            See? It’s really not that hard! (That’s what she said.) All you have to do is try to stick to that list. For dessert, fruit is really what is encouraged but you are allowed to have one non-list item as long as it is small (wee TJ’s cupcake, perhaps) and does NOT lead to snacking, which I know is difficult. Thus, I really would not advocate it. Instead of snacking, between meals you should stay in your room! If you feel like you need a change of scenery, go into your brother’s room or anywhere BUT downstairs—especially not the kitchen.

            Seems like the hundredth diet idea you’ve promised to stick to? Well, this diet goes along with The Nicola, for it promotes not eating very much AND eating healthy. So it’s basically The Nicola version 2.0 and you did well on the first Nicola (for a while) so you just have to do the same thing here. Also, it discourages you from having sweets. And don’t you remember? The last time you cut them out, you had so much energy! Have discipline. And most importantly, have R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for yourself and your body!

            YOU CAN FRIGGIN DO IT! YOU ARE NOT WEAK! YOU HAVE STRONG CONTROL OVER YOUR ACTIONS… SO SHOW IT!

Untitled

School Day:

Breakfast- half a cheese stick; a cracker

Lunch- strawberry applesauce; almost all of a cinnamon applesauce or fruit cup—almost

Dinner- soup; ½ a lean pocket; a small sandwich; 3 chicken nuggets; a 100 calorie snack if possible; a banana

Dessert- 100 calorie pack; mini cupcake (ONLY if fresh); 2 chocolate pieces; a mini cinnamon roll; half a marzipan stick

 

Weekend:

Brunch- any applesauce or fruit cup; a few crackers; 1 cheese stick

Dinner- a lean pocket; a small cheese plate; a small sandwich; any type of fruit

Dessert- 100 calorie pack; 2 chocolate pieces; mini cinnamon roll

 

Lunch Plans:

Breakfast- none; 1 small cracker

Lunch- sushi; almost all of a small, healthy appetizer; salad; almost 1 small piece of blotted pizza

Dinner- soup; ½ a lean pocket; 2 chicken nuggets

Dessert- 1 chocolate piece with tea

 

Dinner Plans:

Brunch- almost all of a cinnamon applesauce; 2 crackers

Dinner- sushi; almost all of a small, etc. appetizer; salad; almost all of a small, etc. pizza

Desset-wait for usuals; 1 bite of shared cake, etc.

STOP kidding yourself

  • You don’t have to finish that marzipan
  • Something not stale would be much more enjoyable
  • You don’t have to get your money’s worth by eating the whole portion
  • You’re not going to work it off
  • If you’re hungry at lunch, you’ll get over it when you have dinner; DON’T get that cookie unless it’s going to be your only dessert that night
  • Tea is just as good as food while watching tv
  • Furthermore, nothing is better; you have to pay attention
  • Don’t eat dinner earlier than 5:30
  • Don’t eat dessert earlier than 6:30
  • When you’re done eating leave the kitchen and compute, or better yet, dance
  • Never EVER think again that you’ll start tomorrow; you won’t
  • Assume that every motion off the eliptical doesn’t count as decreasing your consumed calories
  • Don’t eat any more doughnuts or cinnamon rolls unless you plan on having strawberry applesauce and nothing else for the rest of the day
  • If you don’t know the calories, take 1 VERY small portion
  • At a party, don’t eat dinner unless it looks AMAZING, and then, only take a quarter of what everyone else is eating
  • For the dessert items, if you can’t cut it don’t eat it; when you cut it, cut a small block of only the ones that look good
  • The sentence “I already ate” is your friend; as long as you don’t use it too often people won’t say you’re anorexic
  • If the food isn’t tasting good anymore, STOP eating
  • You HAVE willpower; test it
  • Every week you go with success, you get a music download; if you cheat, no music until you’ve had your week
  • If you screw up, you better be willing to run off all the extra calories + on the elipitical
  • You CAN do it! Remember: the last few times you weren’t actually trying and now you are!

Now, get out there and KICK SOME DIET ASS!

Nutrition Manifesto

I will strive to eat what’s natural: fruits, veggies, and meats.

I will strive to eat only whole grains if I find myself eating wheat.

I will strive to continue to avoid dairy, but make exceptions every now and then for a low-fat dairy product.

I will strive to eat only when I’m hungry and only as much as I am hungry for.

I will eat a hearty breakfast everyday, and try to incorporate a fruit as often as I can.

If given the choice between a packaged, processed food and a home-cooked or natural food, I will strive to shun the packaged product.

I will strive to avoid sucrose and such sugars at all cost, including white and brown sugar.

If I make a mistake, I will forgive myself and strive to do better next time.

I will remember the saying, “Your next meal is more important than your last meal.” It will be my mantra.

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3 Responses to “back to the future”

  1. Pasco said

    Ooooh I like this… when I eventually give up on my current abc adventure perhaps I’ll take up one of your equally ludicrous diets!

    Oh, to be young and insane, how long can this possibly go on?

    Oh yeah, until I no longer feel so fat (so, um, never?)

  2. karnii said

    precisely. i hope they work for you. they didn’t for me… at least, not in the long run. but i DID stick to the nicola for a few weeks or so, eating 300 cal or less a day and got really skinny.

  3. Brooke said

    Just a suggestion: eating breakfast and keeping your metabolism up can be better than skipping to cut calories in the long run. Eating most of your daily fiber (complex carbs!), protein, and a little bit of unsaturated, natural fat in the morning so that your body senses fullness and has something to break down longer actually really helps in losing weight without negative side effects. Eating breakfast every day signals your body that it doesn’t need to store as much energy – it’s a signal that food is plentiful, which makes any diet easier to sustain. (Yay instinct.) I recommend walnuts, almonds, and eggs, personally, along some a whole-grain, natural cereal. Pears are a pretty good sub for processed dessert too, and carrots/celery go really well with hummus. I’ve lost almost 30 pounds without thinking much about it, so I’m a huge believer in the breakfast thing. Whether or not this helps, good luck.

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