let me explain

June 30, 2009

i think i owe you an explanation for the random posting of quiz results yesterday:

i’ve recently gotten on quite the skins kick. if you don’t know what skins is, it’s the most AMAZING british show and you should watch it. 🙂

the character who i’m obsessed with– and scored as, hence my posting– is cassie, the anorexic girl. each episode of the show is partially devoted to one particular chracter, giving viewers a glimpse further into his/ her life. if nothing else, you should watch cassie’s episode. though i’ve never been in rehab for my ED, i can relate to her struggles. an especiallly wonderful scene is when she explains to another character on the show how she makes it seem like she’s eating during mealtime. it was painful and helpful at the same time.

here’s some pics. i find them pretty thinspirational:

1004402694

tony and cassie

skins_18_s1party_big

normal_skins_102_cassie_251

standing outside of rehab

l3569aaf10000_1_22953

the cast

3010258

gosh, skins is such a lovely show… and cassie is sooo awesome and SUPER skinny. i mean that last pic? look at her legs! that’s what i want.

she reminds me a lot of luna lovegood– in both appearence and behavior. they’re both pretty, spacey blondes with really eccentric style.

at least, that’s what i thought of upon first seeing the show.

so… WATCH IT!!!  🙂

June 29, 2009






You Scored as Cassie

You are most like Cassie! You are romantic and beautiful, but have a troubled life and have been hurt many times before. It seems that your life is a constant flow of drama and you are forever trying to get through things life throws at you. Even though you’ve been through a lot you still look at the world in awe and believe that there are so many good things in life.






Cassie




70%





Abigail




63%





Effy




55%





Chris




55%





Sid




53%





Anwar




53%





Maxxie




48%





Jal




43%





Tony




38%





Michelle




38%

today was a good day. i got to see a lot of my friends AND do some shopping… so it was a good day. ANNND… i got my license!!! yay! and i wrote my weight as 100 lbs, so now i really have to get there. lol

but then… i looked at the picture, and realized that my face looks fat. and in the mirror my arms and legs (esp. upper thighs and legs) look huge! how can that be? i lost 3 pounds since my bmr realization, bt now i think i should kick it up a notch and try for a pound a week. all i need is my new inhaler and i can start exercising again,… grrr. inhaler, come!!!

anyway, i dunno if you’ve noticed but i’ve been on a HIGE thinspo kick… if i don’t watch myself, i’ll surely run out!:

300

331

332 <— i LOOOVE this outfit!!!

333

oh, gosh. if only…

350

alright… now i should probably go find more. ciao!!!

today i ate too much… over 1200. yuck. still have a deficit, but a small one.

luckily, yesterday i ended up walking off 150 cal, putting me just over 1000. not bad.

i’m tired of summer already. i never thought i’d say that, but i just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. i guess school took over my life last year more than i knew. damn, i miss it.

thinspo?:

211

223

255

277

299

also… i came up with a summer goal! (yay) i think it’s pretty realistic as well. i’ve decided that i want to get down, at least, to 100 lbs (aka lose 10 lbs). it wont be EASY by any stretch,  but i think it can happen, right? that would be burning/ not eating 35000 cal in 3 months… which is about 11667 per month. which is about 389 a day. and my bmr is 1306 so that means that i have to eat less than 917 a day or eat 1117 a day and work off 100 (which is more reasonable).

and none of this is that difficult except that i just remembered that we do not, in fact, really get  3 months off, despite what the school likes to say, but 2 and 1 week or so. so maybe i should count the end of summer as the technical, seasonal end of summer in mid-september?

summer is…

June 26, 2009

today’s been ok. better than yesterday. but yesterday kind of sucked sometimes so it’s not too much of an improvement, i guess.

and yes. my newfound depression just have to do with love. in my case, loving someone who is unattainable for a couple of reasons, but who i just can’t seem to let go. i mean, we get on so well! how could we ever waste that???

anyway, yesterday i had 997 cal despite my lack of hunger, and today i’ve had 1200 😦  but i’m going to the mall later so i’m hoping to walk it off.

i had a weigh-in today. even though i have my period (and am thus WAAAY bloated) i’m 111 lbs. by the end of the summer i’d like to be 100 lbs. i still have a bit to go, but being bloated and 111 isn’t bad, is it? i mean, i’m not proud, but i’m a perfectionist. sometimes i need help knowing when i should be proud.

anyway, i feel like thinspo today:

123

 

128

133

155

200

ugh

June 25, 2009

i’m feeling really depressed right now… and, surpisingly, it’s got nothing to do with food.

i’ll see you tomorrow

hi, everyone!

June 23, 2009

i’m back because exams are OVER… woo! done with school! at least for the times being…

you guys have left me a lot of lovely comments (yay!) so i guess i have some catching up to do!

as for the cals, it’s been ALRIGHT. around 1100 everyday… which considering exam stress and the fact that i’m a stress-eater itsn’t bad at all. i mean, i had a deficit everyday. so that’s good, right?

anyway… it’s been a while since i’ve seen some thinspo, so how about i post some?:

99 <— i think this outfit’s pretty cool too… very nerd chic

100

yay! i LOVE leg thinspo… ugh. i NEED to start running…

111<— i LOVE this outfit!!!!!

112

122

yay! alright. i hope you’ve all been well… i’m gonna go check those comments and the blogs on my blogroll!

🙂

exams

June 17, 2009

i have exams coming up and i’m FREAKING because i really haven;t been studying… so i’m going to go mia for a while so i can focus… 

see you soon! 🙂

EDIT: sorry! i didn’t mean to worry you!  i don’t mean mia as in BULIMIA… but  MIA as in MISSING IN ACTION. my bad!!!

ate 1130 today… and according to my exel spreadsheet, i’ve only lost 2 lbs so far. but did i tell you? when i went to the doctor i had lost 2 pounds since the month before when i’d weighed myself. and i’d eaten a lot that day. so maybe the excel isn’t right…?

thinspo:

55

57

62

62

woah. emma roberts got REALLY skinny

woah. emma roberts got REALLY skinny

 

66

88 <– that’s a pretty awesome outfit too

ok! i hope you enjoy this thinspo-packed post.

i only had 900-something cal today. and you know what? i felt REALLY full. like, wtf? am i just someone who doesn’t need a lot of food???

i hope tomorrow goes just as well.

thinspo:

43

44

48

julia frakes!

julia frakes!

 gosh, she’s awesome

i LOVE this one

i LOVE this one

 sorry… my comp os flipping out so i’ll post the rest later…