i think that i’m finally going crazy

July 19, 2009

i mean, i’ve always been a bit of a quirk, but i really think i’m losing it.

either that or i’m reacting badly to my new allergy medication.

last night, i had a horrible dream. the man i’m pretty sure i’m in love with told me that he was trying to get pregnant with his girlfriend. he had these special pills and everything. and he was so happy about it. which was nice because i love seeing him happy, but i want him to be happy with me.

i’m afraid this is a sign. i’ve had psychic dreams before, so it would be nothing new. and he’s almost 30 so wanting to have a baby would be feasible at his age– not that i encourage it. 30 seems a bit young for a man, but maybe that’s just me. me and my bias.

oh, dear. oh, dear.

do you ever feel like you’ll never be happy? i feel like that a lot. and push past it. but i’m tired of feeling it at all.

i want to lose these 10 pounds. and i want him to realize that I’M the one who’s good for him. not HER.

i feel like if these  things happened i would finally be happy. but they probably wouldn’t– happen OR make me happy forever.

i need to stop this. i need to shut off my brain.

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