more pictures!!! and other stuff

June 12, 2010

do you ever look around your school/ workplace/ neighborhood and notice all of these people who look better than you? i know i do. and thanks to facebook, i get to notice them A LOT because these people just love posting pictures of themselves.

which is vain, i suppose, though i wonder if i’d do the same if i looked like they did.

the bikini pictures get me the most. i mean, these are real people the i know… not people whose pictures i found by typing “thinspo” into Google images… and they look so much better than me that it’s crazy.

because i know i don’t look bad. i know that. i’m not anywhere close to being overweight.

maybe that’s it. i know that i’m close, so i keep asking myself why i can’t just go a little further and be proud of how i look in pictures and real life.

especially pictures… i think there’s something wrong with my mirror, because i’ll look at myself and think good things, and then i’ll see pictures of myself from that same day later and thing whaaat? what happened?

do you know what i mean? it’s like some cruel optical illusion. šŸ˜¦

so here are the promised pictures:

^^^ i want arms like these

^^^ i love this dress! anyone know where i can get one like it?

^^^ i LOVE her. so pretty.

^^^ can these please be my legs?

huh. her face kind of looks like mine. her hair kind of looks like mine too. but her body? ha!

anyhow, yesterday i was kind of trying to hint to my friend that i have an ED because i was bored and because i hoped she would be supportive.

i said, “when i was a sophmore i didn’t eat for three weeks.”

and then she started going off about how she knows because one time she fit into a small.

i kept my cool, but really??? i was trying to talk to her about something serious and she just made light of it.

needless to say, when i try again to talk to someone about this, it WON’T be her.

i’m sorry for this long post, but i just have a quick Q: how can one gain ten pounds in a week while eating the same amount she’s been eating? because last week, my weight went from 92 to 100.

ok, so that’s 8 pounds, but how is that possible? can bloating alone cause it?

and why, this week, am i 102???

i’m kind of flipped out here, because i really changed NOTHING and i was doing so, so well… šŸ˜¦

at least yesterday was good. i was so busy with my friends after school that i only ended up eating 600 calories, which is low for my taste, but it’s better than high.

maybe socializing is the key to weight loss. maybe that’s why all those “popular” girls from my school are so skinny…

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14 Responses to “more pictures!!! and other stuff”

  1. Tina said

    Hey, thanks for your comment at my blog. It’s always hard to know who you can and can’t talk to about an ED. Because you never know how people are going to respond. Are you in recovery, or have you looked into getting help? Do you want to get help?

    • karnii said

      i haven’t looked into getting help, and i honestly go back and forth about whether or not i want it. it’s like i wish someone would approach ME about it… which is probably pretty stupid.

  2. the mirror/photos thing is actually common to all people (even those without eating/weight issues)

    it is because our reflections are so much more familiar than photos, and all humans prefer familiar things

    so if you looked at a photo every time you looked at your reflection then the difference you see would go away eventually

    but we probably look at our reflection lots more than we realise, unconsciously throughout the day

    I think the 8lb gain is just because of lower metabolism (caused by fasting/dieting) and it does majorly suck…lowered metabolism is like being punished for being strong-willed!

    • karnii said

      ok… i feel a lot less crazy now. thanks! and i just ate 1550 yesterday to hopefully jumpstart my metabolism. do you think that will help?

  3. Georgie said

    Heyyy ā¤
    Hopefully at least 3/4 lbs of that might be like water weight? I hope so. Is it around that time of the month? Even when I didn't get periods, I still found my water retention & weight went up around the time they would've been. Might be that. Idk. =/

    On a happier note, that dress, which is beautiful, I found one kind of similar here: http://www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Dresses/Ottoman+Empire+Waist+Dress

    And the site has LOADS of dresses, with new ones added everyday, so I daresay they'll probably have one even more similar than that. =) ā¤

    • karnii said

      right. yes! i think i might be getting close to that time. (i don’t keep track, really, but i know it’s been a while).

      and thank you for the dresses! i didn’t expect that anyone would actually post any links or anything so THANK YOU!!! šŸ™‚

  4. Georgie said

    On second thoughts, if it’s the colour you like…
    http://www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Grape+Expectations+Dress
    That one?

    xD I love looking at clothes. ā¤

  5. Katherine said

    i just discovered your blog, and i’m so inspired by you!!! thank you for being so honest, and for posting lots of amazing thinspo.

    re the extra weight, it could be something simple like you ate too much sodium one day without realizing. or your body could be telling you it needs more in order to burn more (i think we have a lower-limit, and if we stay below that too long our bodies think we’re starving and begin to hoard extra nutrients and severely slow down metabolism). but hang in there!! i’m sure you’ll swing back to normal in a few days.

  6. I have the same exact issue with photos. I absolutely have myself in photos, I have cried, wanted to bruise myself, fast for a week all because of what I discovered in a still shot or two that I never saw in the mirror. Sometimes I think i am only beautiful in the reflection in the car window, the one you see if you ride in the back seat. Don’t know why, maybe the angle does something to my face.

    As for the weight gain, you can actually gain a whole lot more than you think possible when you go off a severe restriction. You have to take into consideration that food can take 12+ hours to travel all the way through the digestive system, your body will need more water to produce more digestive juices if you eat a larger quantity or more frequently, and if you yo-yo, you likely retain some fat quickly, although it will only be a small amount of the total amount of gain you see as most of it is water and food in digestion. Think of it as the reverse of what happens when you start a severe restriction or fast and drop a lot in a week.

    • karnii said

      i guess… it’s weird though, because i don’t feel like i ate that much more, you know? i mean, i had some cake a couple of weeks ago because it was my birthday…

  7. yools said

    the reason u put on weight is because your body is trying to hang on to every bit of nutrition its getting so whatever you eat gets stored. I think the best way to be thin is to be healthy otherwise this might happen.

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