hey. i’m karnii, and if you’reย reading my blog, THANK YOU.

my goal is to share my story and connect with those of you who must also brave the daily challenges that accompany an ED (specifically anorexia– though i tend to have boughts of exercise bulimia as well), as well as to track my personal progress towards my current goal, 96 lbs.

we have the opportunity to create a support-system here. i don’t want to pass it up.

57 Responses to “Why I Write”

  1. Lauren said

    I’m here for you – I’m having the same issues. Best of luck to you, stay strong, and feel free to search my blog and email me or comment!

    *battlewithana

  2. karnii said

    thank you! i likely will! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Heather said

    I don’t understand…are you trying to reach a healthy weight or lose weight? Unless your 4 feet tall 96 pounds doesn’t sound like a healthy goal to me.

  4. em said

    I hope you are careful with yourself, and love yourself for what you have; your life & your body is a gift ๐Ÿ™‚ treat it with respect or it won’t respect you in the future. Good luck, I hope you find the peace you search for.

  5. glambaa said

    you asked me on my blog if the gluten free/vegan cupcakes are hard to make–i don’t know. i haven’t made them yet ๐Ÿ˜›

    i’m concerned though… you commented a while ago and it’s taken me a while to write back because i’m concerned that you’re heading in the direction of an ed, or are already in the midst of one. at the moment, i know i’m in denial of mine but i know when i was on the right track earlier, that it’s no fun being anorexic. yes you’re thin, but at what cost? you lose a lot more than just weight. please be careful. if you want to ask me questions, anything anything at all, please do… you can get me through my blog (glambaa.wordpress.com).

  6. alex said

    I need to lose weight. Even if it’s just 2 pounds . I need to lose it and fast. Over the summer I was really toned . I weighed myself in the morning and was 96 lbs. and when I weighed myself at night I’d be 97 sometimes 98. But now that the summer’s gone with work and all I haen’t been able to work out too much so i’m not as toned . I jsut look fat . I’m only 5’1 I think or 5’2 . weigh like , 98 lbs. but my waist isn’t as thin and my thighs have always been fat and I’m starting to notice my wrist isn’t as small and I’ve made myself throw up so many times before but I didn’t want to have to do that but I’m going to have to even though it makes my teeth yellow and my throat hurt and my stomache feel acidic . Thanks for this blog, I’m glad there are people who agree with what I’m doing<3

    • karnii said

      98 pounds is really a good weight!

      if you insist on losing 2 more pounds though, please don’t make yourself throw up. it’s not something i condone (unless, of course, one does have bulimia… but that’s another story).

      i’ve been eating 1000 cal a day for a while with light exercise and it seems to be working. just please don’t over-do it. i have the compulsion sometimes and so i understand it, but i really don’t recommend it.

      i’m glad my blog has helped you! take care ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. babybabeox said

    ED’S ARE hard. I’ve struggled with mine since I was 13.. I’ll be 17 in 2months. I’ve been in and out of hospitals&treatment plans &I’m STILL being followed by a specialist. Recovery is a state of choice.. And you’ve gotta be even stronger than you were with your ED to be able to handle recovery.

    All that, just to let you know that I’m here&I’ll support you because I’ve been in both stages, back and forth, so I know what comes along with it (:

    xoxo

    Amandah

  8. babybabeox said

    sorry.. I’ll be 18 in two months lol.
    Typo

  9. how much do you weigh right now?

    • karnii said

      well… i haven’t weighed myself since the summer. i weighed about 107 then and i’ve lost since so i’m guessing low 100s… but i’m so afraid to get on the scale. i really dislike scales; i prefer to calculate the weight i’ve lost myself.

  10. Hi, I understand what you are going through as well. I am considered ednos since I’m not at DSM-IV weight for ana. I exercise ana/mia (mostly mia since my fiance watches me). I have a blog too…I am here for support.

    Peace & Love

  11. stefanie said

    hey you!
    why don’t you get some inspiration from scarlett johansen or kate winslet? they are so beautiful! of course, audrey tautou is beuatiful, too, but that ist not because she is thin, it’s because god kissed her face!

  12. ANA said

    hello! i really like your blog, i feel just like you, although i have come to understand this is far from the eating patterns and thoughts of a normal person…
    i restrict so much,fast, follow diff diets(abc, 2468) but my binging is out of control at times. I over eat to a point where i put all the weight back on in a week..i have discovered mia lately, but its a battle of control they both have, and im the one to lose everytime..
    its so frustrating. thank you so much for sharing your story. Be Strong, good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. Karma said

    im sorry if this seems like a weird qns, but whats your thigh measurement? ‘
    just curious… i just chanced upon your site you seem pretty fixed on legs? (actually i am too :P)
    BTW, good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

    • karnii said

      thank you! and i’m not sure… but i’ll measure and include it in my next post.

      and good luck to you too! i’d love to read your blog but your link is broken ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  14. carla said

    karnii, i stumbled upon your blog while searching photos of audrey tautou (wanted to scout out her various hair cuts). although familiar with online ED journals, i’m generally in denial that they exist. however, i couldn’t leave without stopping by to let you know that i had suffered from the same problem while in my early twenties. after about 5 years of obsessing over staying underweight and controlling what i ate, i was exhausted. i was depressed and was starting to alienate my friends and family. i was so exhausted that soon after college i walked myself in to a therapist’s office and spent the next two years making myself better. some people say ED’s never truly go away. i do think most women suffer from body issues in one way or another, but i truly feel that my problems with food are completely resolved. my life is 100% richer, fuller and happier now that i am completely free of food and weight anxiety. i wanted to share this because i’ve read some of your posts and could remember how suffocating those constant thoughts were, and want to encourage you to think of how wonderful life will be when you’re not thinking them anymore. there is a lot of life – not to mention glorious food – to enjoy. it is beyond amazing when you get to the place where you can enjoy it. best of luck to you.

  15. skwurlgrrl said

    i’m having the same issues… your blog is helping keeping me strong!! thanks so much : )

  16. T said

    1000 calories a day is not enough. You are doing damamge to your metabolism still, and @ your age, you definitelty need the calcium/calories/nutrition to make sure you don’t have osteoporosis or other serious problems when you are older. I am sure you already know some of that, but the 1000 a day restriction makes me sad ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Take care of yourself love. Healthy beats skinny any day. You are young enough to where you should be able to lose on 2000 a day with moderate exercise. And feel better and happier. I am older and exercise moderately and lose on 1700 a day.
    โค

  17. Raymond said

    How tall are you? o.o

  18. anonymous said

    Hey, great site.
    The only reason I decided to comment was to say that when I first read your url I thought, “toast ick?”

  19. Matt said

    Hey i’m Matt, 19. came across this randomly. I think Audrey Tatou is very pretty, but i don’t find her body very attractive. She’s too boney and has almost no breasts. I’m not sure if you’re doing this to look good for guys, but if that is the reason then don’t! I like smooth curves, and a healthy complexion. You can’t have this the way your going it seems to me, you’ll end up boney and grey and without any energy. Sorry its none of my business but I think I speak for most guys when I say don’t lose any more weight!

    Matt

  20. Matt said

    Ok I came across this randomly, just wana say I’m 19 and a guy and I don’t find Audrey Tatou’s body attractive. She is much too boney. If you lose anymore weight you will only become less attractive to almost all guys. I’m not saying this cos i like fat girls, which I don’t, or even slightly chubby girls, I like slim girls, with smooth curves and great skin and hair. You can’t have any of these if you keep loosing weight. I don’t know if you are doing this to be more attractive to guys, but I thought I’d just say.

    Matt.

  21. julia said

    hey..i totally understand. Like..its kindaa ana but more just like severe dieting. I try to eat like sald (yuckk but not alotta cals!) and then i run or jog a mile on my treadmill everyday. Oh, im 13 too. and i want to lose maybe 8, 9, lbs. its almost summer, and i want to look goood ina bikini. Thanks for writing this, its helping me stay on track. Any more pointers to keep from eating tons of food?
    Thank youu!!!!
    Julia

    • karnii said

      hey! i’m glad you like my blog!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

      well i’m DEFINITELY not perfect, but i find i do best when i’m drinking a lot of water or decaf tea and when i just say to myself “no salt/sugar, etc.”

      and chewing gum or sucking a lollipop when i’m watching tv is good to keep from snacking then… which is when i tend to snack. whenever i have an overboard day, it’s ALWAYS because of the tv!

  22. Lauren said

    Hi ๐Ÿ™‚
    I’m new to wordpress.. But sadly, not new to disordered eating, haha. I spent ages reading your old blog entries (it sounds creepy when I say it like that, oh dear lol) and I think we have a lot in common, so I’m “following” you [which also sounds creepy! I’m not making a good first impression…]

    x

    • karnii said

      hey! totally not creepy!!! lol.

      thanks for the follow! definitely going to check out your blog too!

      and if you ever want to chat just email me ๐Ÿ™‚

  23. Kryssy [shellypolly] said

    You sound like me it’s SCARY! It’s GREAT to know that I’m NOT alone in all of THIS sh*t

  24. Lovi said

    Hi!

    I am in the exact same boat. Although I’m a bit taller than you, (5 9″), I too am trying to lose weight, however I still want to fall into the healthy bmi category. I also love fashion which is my main motivation for slimming down. I should start a blog too it might motivate me further ๐Ÿ™‚ I enjoy reading your blog so thankyou! x

    • karnii said

      awww, i’m glad you like it! ๐Ÿ™‚

      and i definitely recommend starting your own blog. mine has helped me SOOO much: it’s kept me on track by keeping me honest.

      good luck!!!

  25. Really nice to read a blog that doesn’t have a judgemental tone to it. Love the way you write and would like to read more =)I have a blog too if you’d like to look. Stay so strong x

  26. Alias said

    Karnii, I came upon your blog. I was looking up anorexia bracelets. So I started to read on. I am not trying to be mean. I am trying to figure out if you are wanting to loose weight or trying to keep it on. I have a daughter 15 years of age that is in treatment (2nd time) at this time for anorexia. It is a very serious illness that is hard to deal with. She is 5’3″ and now weighs 100 pounds. She was down to 81 pounds when I admitted her to the hospital. Her heart rate was very low (where it would of stopped any day), her organs were shutting down, her bones were deterating, her body was growing baby hair again Just to keep her warm and she osteoporosis on her hips and back. If you are doing this to loose weight please do not do this to yourself. You could loose your life. If you are getting help with this I am VERY PROUD of you. I hope you have someone that is there with you that you can confide in!!

  27. stranger said

    Hey
    do u have a hobby/sport/activity/school/job that can participate in regularly ?

    btw am not judging just want to find out how u live ur life with so little energy “food” in your daily life

    student medic, london

  28. Jess said

    This blog is a wonderful inspiration.
    However, one of your thinspo pictures was of my best friend.. kinda creeped me out. How do you find those pictures??!?

  29. Lovi said

    Hey hot stuff! Whats the most successful you have been weight loss wise in terms of total calorie intake? Like did you lose more weight when you ate I dunno like 600 kcals a day (if you have ever done this!?) I’ve been doing it the “healthy” way for a while but ready to try something a bit more drastic because some weight does NOT want to budge! Great new blog btw ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

    • karnii said

      Hmmm… i mean, when I was eating 300 cal or less i lost weight FAST, but that was a while ago, and i’ve since gained it back. And 300 probably isn’t realistic long-term. When i manage to stay at 900-1000 a day i find myself looking and feeling good; when i ate 300 i felt like crap and anything in between makes me want to binge.

      Good luck!!!

  30. Hi ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve struggled with my weight all through high school..I am extremely athletic and, for me, I want to be strong, more than just skinny. I love to run, and for me, it’s more of my physical abilities than just my appearance..I’d like it if you put a profile picture of yourself so that I could compliment you. I’m 5’3″, 135 lbs., and I would like to be 110 again. I got down to 105 (which is perfect for me) when I did cross country in high school. Running really does help to suppress your appetite and train you mentally for the restraint to deny fatty foods. I want that ability again. I’m going to follow your blog ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for the support.

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