a different sort of post

February 17, 2010

i can’t bear to do a negative, thinspo-loaded post today, so i won’t. welcome my brain’s positive ish:

^ for some reason i’m really enjoying this picture. maybe it’s the camel. i mean, i prefer llamas but i consider myself a camel-fan… and i’m LOVING that little crocheted thins on his nose.

anyway, i found it on this blog:


it’s been my source of entertainment for the last couple of days, along with Heroes, which i’ve been watching via netflix.com

i’m on season 2 and i’m hooked! i here it gets worse but now apparently there’s a new writer so it’s better…?

i don’t know. but i’ll keep watching regardless because of milo. he’s why i started watching in the first place. you see, i disliked him on gilmore girls because i found jess annoying. like, really?!? stop doing bad things! but i hadn’t hit puberty yet, and i think that’s necessary to get the full effect, because it wasn’t until i re-watched gilmore girls a couple of months ago that i realized how stunning he is. i mean, really! i’ve seen and/ or known plenty of men who are good-looking or cute or hot, but only two who are really– well– beautiful, and he’s one of them. and i don’t mean just the face, but the whole being.

he’s the kind of person who artists dream about. a muse…

so, yeah– um, heroes. good show. haha 😉

erm… ok! so i think next year i’m going to go vegan. i just feel like it’s the right thing to do– like vegetarianism isn’t enough. i can do more and i WANT to do more. i’ve been feeling increasing bad about eating animal products and i wouldn’t if my parents would stop practically force-feeding me and complaining about how i’m so hard to cook for. (not that i ever ask to be cooked for. i can fend for myself)

i’ve been taking a lot of pictures, too. mostly of the snow. i wanted to get a good one of the flakes falling, but my camera’s new, so i couldn’t figure out which setting to use. i’m enjoying experimenting with it most of the time, but sometimes i REALLY want a shot, and then it’s frustrating.

sorry… i’m kind of new at this whole positivity thing. if i decided to try this more i promise to get better at it!

but before i end the post i have a really random question: if you could go anywhere in the world for a couple of days (no time-traveling or anything like that), where would you go?

i was thinking ireland or france. maybe germany.

where would you go?


February 12, 2010

ok. so someone brought up this question in class today: would you rather be too fat or too skinny?

i’m sure you can guess my answer; i thought it was the obvious choice, but from what i overheard, most people are in opposition.

what’s your answer?

wise words for today

January 13, 2010

There has been no great talent without an element of madness.

I’m not sure why this struck me so, but it did. Maybe because I’m mad and some people say that I’m talented…?

It just hit home, I guess.


well, shit.

when i saw the title at first, i didn’t want to read it. and know i know why: this is me!

i’ve turned into this obsessive freak whom i barely recognize

i’m living on crumbs

i’m creating more stress for myself

i guess i’m not surprised. i have problems with food, among MANY other things, so why wouldn’t i have problems with guys?


shit shit shit

i’m sorry for the profanity but i’ve been fooling myself– and i’ve gotten so damn good at it that, most days, i’m really happy with this version 2.0 life i’ve created.

but this article made me feel like a freak and maybe (probably) i am… but what else am i supposed to do when i have feelings for someone that i cant demolish for a guy who can’t return them right now and i see him everyday because we’re friendly.

urg. it’s not like i’m delusional… i mean, i KNOW that there’s nothing going on but i HOPE that maybe something could in the future. and THAT is my fantasy. but is there anything wrong with hope? i was under the impression that we were supposed to hope.

and can this possibly hurt me? maybe emotionally, but it’s not like i’m at the age for marriage and i’m going to miss my husband or whatever if i’m crushing on this guy.

and what if something happens? why the hell am i not supposed to hope that maybe something could? i’m young! isn’t that what i’m supposed to do? it gives me an escape from sadness and food issues and it isn’t a drug or alcoholic beverage or anything dangerous.

“Dwell in possibility”

i hope i’m not enabling myself, but is that really such a bad thing? it’ll have to end anyway when i go to college in six months.

sooo nervous

December 8, 2009

i’m sorry i haven’t posted recently, but i have a good reason! i think i told you guys i had swine flu, right? well i missed a WHOLE lot of school so i’ve been busy busy busy making up tests, copying notes, reading a whole book in two days (ehem)… etc.

i hope when i catch up i’ll be able to start blogging regularly again!

anyhow, this thursday (which is two days away) is a REALLY big day for my because i’m getting my college early decision results. i applied to an extremely competitive school so odds are i won’t get in… but i love the school so much!

ugh… i’m dreading it.

anyway, i find out at 5pm so if you happen to be looking at a clock and realize it’s 5 pm eastern time, i wouldn’t mind receiving some good vibes. 😉


November 28, 2009

this is my second favorite holiday… and can be my favorite in years when christmas doesn’t go as planned. before ed was a while ago so i can’t remember the exact feeling, but i remember loving everything about thanksgiving. i was always so hungry before the dinner that i thought that year would be the year that i finally didn’t get stuffed halfway through my small plate.

i wish being able to stop eating when i’m full.

i was talking to someone today and i realized that i’m a very extreme, all-or-nothing girl… especially when it comes to food. i mean, it’s not like i’ll literally eat nothing or a ton of food… it’s that i either have to be significantly under my alloted calories or i feel like it isn’t worth it and have a mini-binge to go over it. that’s why i’m very rarely in the 1200-1400 zone. it’s 1000 or it’s 1600.

but i’ve had a month or so of luck and have been able to stay closer to 1000… and i feel like that luck’s running out, or perhaps it’s just the leftovers screwing me over. either way, i’m very stressed and unhappy right now because i’ve had no deficit the last three days and my thighs, arms, and stomach are undoubtably bigger.

and now i’ve forgotten how to spell undoubtably and am spelling it wrong. frick.

and no my friend is calling me and asking her to drink with her and i finally understand peer pressure… but the one thing keeping me from going might just be my ed. who’d waste calories on vodka, right?

ugh. i blame this all on my swine flu. even before my past three days of disaster i had four days when i was home sick that went over the limit. my stomach probably stretched and is definitely stretching now and i have to go to frickin school on monday.

what a jolly post for a jolly holiday season, eh?

next post won’t be a rant. i promise.

thanks to babybabeox…

November 4, 2009

i won an award. yay!


woot woot!

Here are the rules:
1. You can only use one word!
2. Pass this along to your favorite bloggers.
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

The Survey
1. Where is your cell phone? no idea
2. Your hair? long, wavy, and red-ish
3. Your mother? awesome
4. Your father? no comment
5. Your favorite food? right now, udon
6. Your dream last night? i was dying
7. Your favorite drink? soy milk
8. Your dream/goal? currently, the college i applied ED to
9. What room are you in? kitchen
10. Your hobby? knitting, shopping, poetry
11. Your fear? weight and tarantulas
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? amazing grad-school
13. Where were you last night? EMT class
14. Something that you aren’t? tall
15. Muffins? of course!
16. Wish list item? a new long sweater in navy or dark brown, among other things
17. Where did you grow up? new york city
18. Last thing you did? car incident :-/
19. What are you wearing? nothing very flattering
20. Your TV? flat screen
21. Your pets? bunny and hamster
22. Friends? odd
23. Your life? always interesting
24. Your mood? tired
25. Missing someone? a bit
26. Vehicle? my lovely car (who’s a bit upset with me right now)
27. Something you’re not wearing? a scarf
28. Your favorite store? urban outfitters
29. Your favorite color? grey
30. When was the last time you laughed? 8th period
31. Last time you cried? 3 hours ago
32. Your best friend? not sure
33. One place that I go to over and over? school and home
34. One person who e-mails me regularly? my mom
35. Favorite place to eat? sushi

and i’m passing it on to georgiajd and linnxy!!!


October 19, 2009

this is going to sound slightly paranoid– nay, EXTREMELY paranoid, but that’s what applying to college ED has done to me.

ok, so i’m worried about what happened with my big p this month. i mean, it didn’t really happen! this might be tmi, but there wasn’t even any real bleeding– just spotting. i pumped up my calories during the week too! it was up to around 1100-1300 most days! and it’s not like i’m anywhere even remotely near dangerously skinny.

but what if this means i can’t get pregnant? i mean, i don’t want a baby now; i’m only in high school! but if some magic occurs that lets me find a guy i really love love me back, then i’d like to have the possibility, you know?

wait… could this have anything to do with my being on birth control pills? (it’s a low dose)

inglourious basterds

September 7, 2009

i saw the movie last night, and boy was i impressed! the writing was fabulous, the cinematography was beautiful, and the acting was terrific.

in honor of my new favorite movie, here are some pictures of diane kruger, who i initially went to see the movie for (i LOVE national treasure). who knew she spoke so many languages? also very impressive!







from the movie:






parting words: go see this movie! seriously. you won’t be sorry. unless you don’t like blood… but then you can just cover your eyes. 😉


September 4, 2009

less than a week of school and i already feel like i’m going to die. sooo much homework, and late nights… what am i supposed to do next week? how will i survive?