as promised

^^^ if only…

^^^ i LOVE gemma!!! she’s so beautiful

can i talk about something a little off topic? right now i’m experiencing semi-requited love. he’s with someone and he’s very committed (ie committed to be engaged) but i know that he has feelings for me and has probably thought a couple of if… then… statements regarding me. and i wish he would admit this, though i understand he can’t, but it’s painful. it’s painful to know that the feelings are there but a relationship will probably never even be attempted… wasted feelings… so close, yet so far… and to know that i’ll probably never get any confirmation of this from him… that i could be imagining it, though i’m not the only one who sees it… no, sir.

i don’t think that anyone should have to wonder, and i think that if someone attached does wonder, it might be an indication that something in the relationship is awry. not that i’ve ever been in a serious relationship… those are just my thoughts, if they’re comprehensible.

i just wish there was something bold, but not destructive to him or his current relationship that i could do to… i don’t know… feel somewhat satisfied that i did all i could to make this one dream really happen.

what do you think? (i’m sorry that i’ve been asking so many questions lately)

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big thinspo post

February 26, 2010

because i was away for a while…

so i’m still a vegan, and i’m finding it much easier to meet my goals this way since it cuts out so many temptations. and it’s not like i want to eat these things because i feel bad. AND, sans my cold that appears to not want to leave, my body feels really good… better than it has in a long time.

i’m still nervous for my weigh-in on sunday, though. what if i’m back in the triple-digits? i know that i said that the 99 was probably a fluke, but i REALLY want to believe that it wasn’t.

ugh

February 5, 2010

worst. day. ever.

i didn’t have time to think about my body once the entire school day. i haven’t done that since eighth grade when i was cute and tiny…

i’m just really stressed and not doing well this semester because my of my stress, but then i end up stressing out even more because i’m not doing well…

am i making sense? nothing inside my head right now’s making sense.

forget it. pictures:

^ballerina-esque ❤

^i’m loving the retro-chic… i wish my legs could pull off white tights

ok… so while i was gone i met a lot of people, a number of them very thinpirational people. i won’t put there pictures up here, but i can tell you about them:

two of them were twins–very petite twins (only 5 ft). swimmers. only ate organicalley (something about their mom being a health nut). never had cheetos. never had pop tarts. thin, muscular legs and arms. one could do 18 pull-ups but wasn’t at all bulky.

another played soccer and seemed to be a pretty healthy eater. she was taller… maybe 5’5 or 5’6. here legs and arms were, again, muscular but not bulky. she was extremely active, always kicking around a ball. she also had very narrow shoulders.

the last one i recall was a dancer. she was very tall. 5’9 or 5’10 and VERY skinny, with long legs and graceful arms. she was also an extreme health nut. she ate salad for both lunch and dinner, and yogurt and a banana for breakfast. she also ran whenever she could, and had a long, ballerina neck.

these people were very inspiring to me, as they all had two things in common: they ate healthily and were active. well, and a third: they were skinny.

so, if change my ways, i can be skinny too.

anyone else want to challenge themselves? i’d love to have a buddy. 🙂