no no NO

November 16, 2010

i’m not putting up with this crap anymore. i’m getting on track and i’m STAYING on track… none of this, i-look-good-so-i-can-slack crap.

that isn’t happening anymore. IT CAN’T.

the past three days i’ve gone over my allotted calories… and so now i’m bloated, which makes me angry, etc. i mean, all day i just kept thinking about how i could be looking so much better.

i’m just so freaking self-destructive! 😦

anyone want a texting buddy? i need someone to talk me out of eating!!!

i’m also going to start posting thinspo everyday… and exercising AT LEAST twice a week outside of my gym class.

help me!!! 😦

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102.8

February 7, 2010

I had yet another sunday weigh-in and now i’m at 102.8. first i was happy about that because the number in the ones place was one less, and then i was angry when i realized that the number as a whole was only .2 less (1/5 a lb) but then i remembered that i’m probably at least somewhat bloated because of the time of the month, so then i was happy.

and then i had 1000 cal worth of mexican food, and now i’m sad. 😦

i still have time to do some exercise, though, and the rest i’ll make up tomorrow. plus, i’m sure that number isn’t the most anyone’s eaten during the super bowl, right?

^beautiful calves!

fat weekend

October 13, 2009

i looked in the mirror today and my thighs were DEFINITELY bigger. i tried to tell myself that it was just my imagination, but it’s not. they rubbed more, and the fat spread out more when they were shoved against the seat of chairs.

yuck.

i mean, i didn’t go over my alloted cal after that last time, but i got too close to that maximum number… much closer than i like and than i usually get to it.

but today i’m at 1080… and if we do any lifting at EMT that can go down. so i’m feeling alright about that.

except tomorrow my big-p is supposed to come which means i’m going to be at my hungriest, and how am i supposed to stay under my limit if i hardly could when i wasn’t having strange cravings? that makes me nervous.

sorry. this isn’t a very fun post… i’m just feeling very anxious about my weight. i mean, i was feeling SO GOOD for a few weeks there… and now the contrast to how i’m feeling now is just depressing. 😦

bloat?

October 9, 2009

i’m a bit less bloated, but still bloated. i think it’s because this week i’ve been a tad sleep deprived, and therefore, lacking in my usual willpower.

conclusion? i ate too much.

grrr.

i mean, i haven’t quite binged (though i’ve been SOOO tempted to on freshly-made rice crispy treats…) but 1100 and 1200 is not me. and my stomach has obviously been quite influenced. in fact, my stomach is always quick to change.

example: in the morning after not eating too much the day before, it may be flat, the ribs semi-apparent. looks good. then i eat breakfast… maybe just a luna bar. what happens to my stomach? the gut bumps out and any tight shirt is unacceptable.

this is why i never wear skin-tight tops.

but anyway, it’s weird. i think that my stomach likes to rebel against me.

thoughts?

pictures:

512

513

515

518

519

bloat

October 6, 2009

today, i felt so fat… especially in the stomach area, and a bit in my calves. then i realized that that’s because i was/ am fat. i’m bloated!

my stomach is sticking out to mercury (especially by my rib cage) and it’s not like i ate a lot yesterday or today.

and i’m not getting my big-p either… i have 2 weeks left until that.

so, what’s going on? i really don’t need another mystery in my life right now…