more finals week happenings

December 12, 2010

so, i’ve been trying to do that thing when you open the window and shiver, and therefore, burn calories. except, the problem is that i get really f**king cold, so then i have to go close the window.

but then i have to open it again about 30 seconds later because the heat in my dorm room is turned up high, and if i turn it down it will, in fact, stop working. (my dorm is old as crap… but it’s gorgeous so whatever.)

it’s annoying, but between that and reading blogs i’ve only read one chapter for anthro final on wednesday. yes, i am a SUPREME over-acheiver.

you know what else was fun? dinner last night. firstly, because it was, in fact, dinner. out. with people. and of course i simply adore eating out AND people. not.

also, because a of lovely conversation:

friend: …because i’m the shortest one at this table.
me: hey, i’m not far behind.
CG: really? i always think you’re shorter.
me: well, i’m not.
CG: i always think you are.
me: ok. why?
friend: is it because i’m wide? (she’s not, btw)
me: no. are you calling me wide?
friend 2: i think he is.
me: you’re totally calling me fat.
CG: i’m not f**king (he loves that word) calling you fat…

and then he kept going. blah blah blah. but he was, correct? the reason one would look shorter would be because they look wider… like the psychology experiment when all the little children thought that the tall, thin glass would hold more water than a shorter, wider glass would even though they actually could hold the same volume. it’s all a matter of perception.

and, apparently, i’m the short, fat glass and “friend,” who, by the way, CG was pretty much obsessed with a couple of months ago… and who seems to still be the object of his version of affection, is the slightly shorter, less-wide glass that didn’t make it into the experiment, because it has better things to do.

not that i think any less of CG for that comment. i have daddy-issues… so logically i’ve now decided that i want to get into his EXTREMELY-intelligent-but-jerky-and-not-so-handsome pants.

so that’s kind of replaced my whole ace-this-anthro-final goal. now, all i need is to get him to agree to come over and have some beer (or a lot).

finals week in college/ university/ whatever you call it is so f**ked up… and it takes you down with it.

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dinner and thinspo

October 16, 2010

check it out! veggies, a mushroom, and a bit of an Indian-inspired rice dish.
yummy and healthy… and i actually feel good after having eaten it!!!
yay.
now the thinspo portion of this post:
now, truly bon soir ๐Ÿ™‚
ps. college guy i just posted about (let’s call him CG for short) just agreed to come over later. will he come through this time? we shall see.
pps. had 1050 calories today. fairly pleased ๐Ÿ˜‰

102.8

February 7, 2010

I had yet another sunday weigh-in and now i’m at 102.8. first i was happy about that because the number in the ones place was one less, and then i was angry when i realized that the number as a whole was only .2 less (1/5 a lb) but then i remembered that i’m probably at least somewhat bloated because of the time of the month, so then i was happy.

and then i had 1000 cal worth of mexican food, and now i’m sad. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

i still have time to do some exercise, though, and the rest i’ll make up tomorrow. plus, i’m sure that number isn’t the most anyone’s eaten during the super bowl, right?

^beautiful calves!

my thighs

January 30, 2010

yup… there they are. they’re looking less huge today, so that’s good. but then i was forced to go to dinner with the family and had waaay too many calories because i’m HORRIBLE with restaurants. the portions are so big and everyone’s talking… it’s over-stimulating, i suppose. and then i eat because i’m stressed or because that’s what one’s supposed to do in a restaurant. sigh.

and then i went home and tried to make myself throw up. i told myself that today was the day and shoved that toothbrush down.

and i gagged and gagged but nothing came up. double sigh.

i DID feel slightly nauseas afterwards, though. maybe i was close…? ugh. i feel like such a failure. i really though i was going to do it…

so then i had to go all exercise bulimia and dance for an hour and a half, but i still feel disgusting.

i feel like fasting; i think i’m getting worse…

not a bad start

January 23, 2010

ok, so i NEED to start losing again! this is just unacceptable. but i think i got a good start this morning. a friend came around this morning and we went for a walk. good conversation AND jump-starting my metabolism for the day??? good stuff! (-100 calories)

and then i had some breakie (275 cal) and then did some cleaning (-100 cal) and then had some lunch (200 cal).

s0 now i’m at 275, which isn’t too bad since i just have dinner to go, but i’m going to the dreaded buffet!!! why did i agree to this? can anyone explain this to me? i can be so self-destructive sometimes…

but at least i have room in my calories that i can slip up and have up to 800 and i’ll be ok…

ugh, i HAVE to do this! i think i’ll go clean some more to try to burn some extra calories…

don’t let today’s weakness ruin tomorrow’s dream, girls! ๐Ÿ˜‰

another dream

October 20, 2009

so i had this dream last night that somehow my mom got a list of my weights or something… anyhow, the moral of the story is that saw that i’d lost 15 pounds (in real life it’s 8-something) and was, obviously, concerned

i made up some BS about puberty and babyfat or something, but she insisted that at dinner that night i eat a bit more.

i wasn’t concerned though, because i was too happy about having lost 15 pounds when i didn’t think i’d lost that much.

i just wanted to share the excitement ๐Ÿ™‚

went to the dinner

August 24, 2009

i’m glad i did. no coaches, but i would have felt like i was missing out.

sat with my sophys. we talked about cuts and senior cuts and goalie cuts. one of them predicts a lot of offense cuts. that would be good for me. ๐Ÿ™‚

ugh… guys ‘m FREAKING OUT! i feel full and gross and i really do think that i’m not gona make it, and i’ll be the only senior, and it’ll be embarassing…

i’m just not looking forward to tomorrow.

*sigh*

keep your fingers crossed for me at about 12- 1pm eastern time!!!

tryouts: day 2

August 23, 2009

today we started with some conditioning that i like better: the snake run. pretty much, you run around the field, jogging the longs and sprinting the shorts. it’s tiring, but there’s more rest time and shorter sprints; my lungs like that. ๐Ÿ™‚ and today a lot of people still had to drop out or rest, but i stayed in the whole time and used all of my might in the finishing sprint. coach said good job (as he said to everyone) but he sounded really sincere (he’s aware of my lung troubles).

then we did some drills in small groups (i LOVE small groups) and i got to be with my soph friends. they’re sooo nice and cute and their skills are more at my level. i was practicing defense and i got the ball awya more times than i didn’t. i hope coach saw…

but THEN we had to do a timed mile, and my lungs were still recovering from drills andย conditioning, so i came in last in my group, not by TOO much and i’m sure people in other groups (i hope) did wore than me, but i was still embarassing. i mean, i’m a senior for crying out loud. a SENIOR. i shouldn;t come in last when i’m racing against sophys. :-/ it just stinks. i know that part of it is my lungs, but i don’t want to have to have an excuse; i just want to do it. be good. be fast. but my limit is probably much lower than that of many of my (hopefully) future-teammates.

then we did some more timed shiz. i think i did ok; median. i’m fine with that, i think.

and then we ended with the same sprints that we ended with yesterday, but instead of breaking it up into 3 sets, we did one long set. but not as long as the 3 sets put together, if you know what i mean.

and then …(like in dude where’s my car, if you’ve seen that movie) and then we had a senior meeting (seniors only ๐Ÿ˜‰ )and planned for the team pool party (ahhh, swimsuit ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ) and cool stuff like that.

that makes it EXTREMELY embarassing if i get cut.

but we’re all going out to dinner tomorrow, so that should be fun. ๐Ÿ™‚

AND i think i burned a ton of calories again. hooray!!!

BUT i have yet to see my love. where is he?!? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ i used to see him all the time dring tryouts last year. that is, before i cared. ugh. cosmic jokes.

dinner was ok. really ok.

no, it was fun. i took my tranq, loosened up and had some AMAZING pizza! seriously, it’s awesome. thin crust, a bit of sauce, a dusting of cheese.

oh, gosh. it’s heaven. i need to go there again soon.

and i ended my day at 1065 calories. so, yeah. i got all hyped up for no reason. i hate anxiety.

new subject? great!

July 30, 2009

so… i went running today for the first time after that field hockey practice. my back felt a lot better, so i figured it’d be ok.

and it was. i mean, it was painful; my legs still kill. but it was ok. it was manageable. aside from the intense cramp that i got that made me think that my appendix was rupturing…

so yeah. good times.

tonight, i’ve been invied to dinner. like the queen. but OMG i’m sooo freaking scared/ anxious! they’re family friends, so i have to figure that it’s about the food. i mean, i have to assume that they’re cooking and i’ve never had their cooking. and i’m vegetarian. and i’m on a diet.

AHHH! how am i going to get through this? should i take a tranquilizer? i think that would be best; sometimes i’m rude when i’m having an anxiety attack and i wouldn’t want to spoil their day.