hey, everybody!

June 13, 2010

i just did an hour of yoga!

…ok, actually just 40 minutes, but that’s pretty good, right? i exercise at gym at school about every other day (elliptical or treadmill) and occasionally use my crap elliptical at home when i freak about about eating too much (i guess a part of me is exercise-bulimic…?) or dance when my ipod just happens to be on and playing a good song and i’m alone, but i’ve never had much of a consistent, at-home routine.

maybe it’s time to start one. maybe i’m not young enough anymore that i can get away with simply dieting to lose weight and look fabulous. (i AM of voting age now, after all…)

i found my yoga video on my netflix instant play thing and there’s dancing and pilates too, so maybe once school’s out i should do a video every other day, and for now, do one a week…

i think that’s a good plan, right?

in further news, when i get to where i want to be body-wise, i want to try acting or modeling. my dream is to take a train across the country to los angeles and stay for a few weeks to a month and just audition like crazy! i could stay in some motel or rent a crap apartment… and i don’t know who i’d go with. could i go alone? it’s kind of going against the whole buddy-system rule…

i guess my plan still needs some ironing out, but it sounds promising, right? i wish i could go this summer, but i’m going to have a lot to do to get ready for college, so i’m setting my sights on next summer.

maybe this summer, i can just start in new york. which would make sense. why go across the country when i can audition locally? i mean, i guess i view los angeles as having more opportunities, but then again i’ve never been there…

so new york. this summer. PRACTICE.

and in order to get anywhere, especially since i haven’t acted since middle school and wasn’t particularly good, i’m going to need to look awesome. have that whole star-quality thing down. good body. good hair. good clothes. good skin. (any tips for good skin, btw? it’s usually OK, but around THAT TIME… not great ๐Ÿ˜ฆ )

what do you think? this is crazy, right? but maybe it would be fun, and i’d know i tried when i was young…

anyway, how about some pictures?

^^^i want these thighs

^^^ sometimes i wish i were model-tall… or even just tall… or of a normal height

^^^i’m OBSESSED with nautical stripes. esp in navy.

^^^the way she walks, she looks like a much-skinnier version of me. all i need are those lovely arms and calves… but i feel like my calves are so bulky/ stumpy, and not long and lean. anyone know what i can do about that?

alright, everyone. happy sunday! and don’t forget to dream big ๐Ÿ™‚

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another dream

October 20, 2009

so i had this dream last night that somehow my mom got a list of my weights or something… anyhow, the moral of the story is that saw that i’d lost 15 pounds (in real life it’s 8-something) and was, obviously, concerned

i made up some BS about puberty and babyfat or something, but she insisted that at dinner that night i eat a bit more.

i wasn’t concerned though, because i was too happy about having lost 15 pounds when i didn’t think i’d lost that much.

i just wanted to share the excitement ๐Ÿ™‚

i had a dream

September 10, 2009

… last night. i was going to a school function (some senior class/ graduation thing) and i saw this really nice teacher i had sophmore year (she still says hi to me, etc. even though i wasn’t interested in her subject). i told her that i wanted to leave because only people who i really dislike were there and we started talking and she was like, “wait… did you lose weight? you’re so skinny!” and the teacher next to he was like, “yeah. you are!” and something about my arms. it was flattering, but also slightly accusatory so i just said, “i’ve been running a lot” which wasn’t/ isn’t true.

i woke up feeling happy ๐Ÿ™‚

any dream interpreters out there care to take a gander at what this means?

i mean, i’ve always been a bit of a quirk, but i really think i’m losing it.

either that or i’m reacting badly to my new allergy medication.

last night, i had a horrible dream. the man i’m pretty sure i’m in love with told me that he was trying to get pregnant with his girlfriend. he had these special pills and everything. and he was so happy about it. which was nice because i love seeing him happy, but i want him to be happy with me.

i’m afraid this is a sign. i’ve had psychic dreams before, so it would be nothing new. and he’s almost 30 so wanting to have a baby would be feasible at his age– not that i encourage it. 30 seems a bit young for a man, but maybe that’s just me. me and my bias.

oh, dear. oh, dear.

do you ever feel like you’ll never be happy? i feel like that a lot. and push past it. but i’m tired of feeling it at all.

i want to lose these 10 pounds. and i want him to realize that I’M the one who’s good for him. not HER.

i feel like if theseย  things happened i would finally be happy. but they probably wouldn’t– happen OR make me happy forever.

i need to stop this. i need to shut off my brain.