my thighs

January 30, 2010

yup… there they are. they’re looking less huge today, so that’s good. but then i was forced to go to dinner with the family and had waaay too many calories because i’m HORRIBLE with restaurants. the portions are so big and everyone’s talking… it’s over-stimulating, i suppose. and then i eat because i’m stressed or because that’s what one’s supposed to do in a restaurant. sigh.

and then i went home and tried to make myself throw up. i told myself that today was the day and shoved that toothbrush down.

and i gagged and gagged but nothing came up. double sigh.

i DID feel slightly nauseas afterwards, though. maybe i was close…? ugh. i feel like such a failure. i really though i was going to do it…

so then i had to go all exercise bulimia and dance for an hour and a half, but i still feel disgusting.

i feel like fasting; i think i’m getting worse…

eating out again… oh joy

August 16, 2009

have i ever mentioned how much i absolutley HATE eating out? because i do.

especially the places my family goes. macaroni grill?!? possibly the least healthiest place to eat. get some pasta, and you’re out 1000 calories. luckily, i haven’t eaten too much today (250 cal) but i still REALLY hope we don’t go there.

how about sushi??? i’m down with that!

ugh… i have to go. will update later. 😦

new subject? great!

July 30, 2009

so… i went running today for the first time after that field hockey practice. my back felt a lot better, so i figured it’d be ok.

and it was. i mean, it was painful; my legs still kill. but it was ok. it was manageable. aside from the intense cramp that i got that made me think that my appendix was rupturing…

so yeah. good times.

tonight, i’ve been invied to dinner. like the queen. but OMG i’m sooo freaking scared/ anxious! they’re family friends, so i have to figure that it’s about the food. i mean, i have to assume that they’re cooking and i’ve never had their cooking. and i’m vegetarian. and i’m on a diet.

AHHH! how am i going to get through this? should i take a tranquilizer? i think that would be best; sometimes i’m rude when i’m having an anxiety attack and i wouldn’t want to spoil their day.