the beginning in the end

December 9, 2010

no, i’m not talking about the wonderfully hear-wrenching episode of Bones… that actually led me to cry hysterically during the closing credits (and i DON’T cry during tv shows, movies… except Toy Story 3, and i only cried a LITTLE bit).

no, i’m talking about the end of the semester–my first semester at college/ university– and the chance it brings for me to start over on my weight-loss journey. (though, if you were wishing i was talking about the Bones episode, you might want to check out my BRAND SPANKING NEW Bones blog: idontknowhathatmeans.blogspot.com )

anyhow, i’m going to have a whole month at home before i have to come back here, which i think is more than enough time to reassess and come up with a masterful game-plan… not to mention, really get started exercising and losing again.

my plan:

weigh in the high-90s (at most) by Christmas

weigh in the mid to low 90s by the time i go back to school (late January)

start running

 

i’m actually excited for that last bit ^^^ because i have all this under-armor from my stint in winter track (good times!) and, of course, field hockey… and i’m excited to get back into it and have it FIT the way it used to.

plus, it makes me look super-cool when i wear it 😉

any workout music recommendations?

-K

pictuuures

June 8, 2010

crisis averted. drank a little beer to settle my stomach and then went to bed.

so, i’m getting a new computer, so i’m gonna start posting mass amounts of pictures so that i don’t have transfer them. i hope that’s ok.

^^^ i love skins 🙂

^^^ this is the beach body i’d like

^^^ cute sweater (i love sweaters)

have any of you ever been in love with someone with a boyfriend/ girlfriend/ significant other, maybe even a fiance or spouse, or just someone you couldn’t have for whatever reason? because i need some serious advice on this subject and i’m feeling very alone right now. 😦

ps. i got a twitter, but it’s my personal one so i’m afraid to post it here lest someone figures out this blog is mine. not that i’m ashamed of anything i’ve written here… it’s just very personal. anyway, if any of you have one, we should exchange.

either that or i’m going crazy, but i feel like my thighs and calves are slowly expanding again and it’s driving me INSANE!

anyone have tips? eating? exercise? i’ve gotta get this under control… 😦

thinspiration rampage

January 18, 2010

in an act of procrastination, i’ve spent many hours this weekend looking for thinspo. but hey, who would study for calculus when there are so many pictures to be found? and trust me, i found A LOT! (100+) so i figured i could spare some 😉

i had a dream

September 10, 2009

… last night. i was going to a school function (some senior class/ graduation thing) and i saw this really nice teacher i had sophmore year (she still says hi to me, etc. even though i wasn’t interested in her subject). i told her that i wanted to leave because only people who i really dislike were there and we started talking and she was like, “wait… did you lose weight? you’re so skinny!” and the teacher next to he was like, “yeah. you are!” and something about my arms. it was flattering, but also slightly accusatory so i just said, “i’ve been running a lot” which wasn’t/ isn’t true.

i woke up feeling happy 🙂

any dream interpreters out there care to take a gander at what this means?

fashion thinspiration

September 5, 2009

yay september! it’s kind of almost fall!

anyway, pictures:

478
floral sweater= ❤

479
and so does this vest

480
and this bag

481
basics

482
monochrome

i want to look great in clothes. fabulous. be able to pull off anything. that’s why i do all of this, i think.

running

September 5, 2009

i’m afraid to go running. i’m afraid to bring back memories, afraid to make my thighs big.

my mom says i should go running because it’ll make me happier. i don’t know…

i want to burn calories and fat, but my thighs! ugh. they’re already too big for my liking from all that field hockey sprinting. like adding insult to injury…

i don’t know what i should do. i hope i figure it out.

i’m still tired. maybe that’s why i sound/ feel so robotic?

moving on

August 27, 2009

first off, i want to thank you all SO SO much for commenting! you guys really helped me feel better 🙂

i’m trying to move on. i’m waiting for school to start so i can get swept up in homework, standardized tests, and emt. i know that i’ll miss doing a sport (hence my interest in joining cross country) but i don’t think i will. unless i end up having too much time on my hands.

i’m still really mad at the coaches though. i don’t think that i explained the whole situation and i can’t now because it’s WAAAY too long, but here’s the short version:

i had a meeting with the head coach at the end of last year, during which he basically implied that if i could get my asthma under control and come out stronger in the running, i would make the team. he said absolutely NOTHING that gave me even the slightest hint that i wouldn’t.

then what? i’m cut. i’m cut AND i’m a senior (and seniors DON’T get cut… ever. any sport. not at my school)

but not only that, i’m the ONLY senior cut.

embarrassing, no?

so i’m still really mad at him, and i’m not sure how long it will take me to get over it. thing is, he was supposed to be my teacher this year (= a disaster?) so i’m currently trying to switch out of his class.

i now may have to take that class at a local college= even less time to think about what i’m missing. (but also less time to study, etc.)

i wish it didn’t happen; i wish i hadn’t been cut. but even so, i shouldn’t dwell on it. i’m trying to get out of shock-mode and back on my feet.

oh, and hopefully make some new friends.

today i’m a human again

August 26, 2009

… at least, i’ve gone back to eating like one. all that running and calorie burning required me to eat WAAAY more than i’m comfortable with. it actually made me feel sick.

i miss running though– not sprinting, but slow-paced, long distance running. like what i was doing to prepare.

but now i’d feel like a doofus doing it, as i have nothing to prepare for.

i kind of want to join cross country, but i have no friends doing it, and i’m not sure i’ll have time over the year.

i just missing being on a team. supporting my school. being a part of something.

and now i’m alone. again. and i realized today that i only have 3 real friends, and only 1 goes to my school.

maybe i’ll do winter track once my applications are in. i don’t know.

i can’t believe none of my “friends” still haven’t called. i really can’t.

ugh. i feel depressed right now. i hope it gets better when school starts. :-/

went to the dinner

August 24, 2009

i’m glad i did. no coaches, but i would have felt like i was missing out.

sat with my sophys. we talked about cuts and senior cuts and goalie cuts. one of them predicts a lot of offense cuts. that would be good for me. 🙂

ugh… guys ‘m FREAKING OUT! i feel full and gross and i really do think that i’m not gona make it, and i’ll be the only senior, and it’ll be embarassing…

i’m just not looking forward to tomorrow.

*sigh*

keep your fingers crossed for me at about 12- 1pm eastern time!!!