procrastination thinspo

February 11, 2010

because i REALLY don’t feel like doing my homework right now 😉

^i LOOOVE stripes! they seem so… french. i’m really into that right now

^ she reminds me of gemma ward

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i have a really light homework day today (YAY!!!) so i thought i’d post.

i hope you’re all well! i have my big p… which is lighter than usual. is it just my imagination or could it be from losing weight? not that i’ve lost much… 😦

fun fact: it was snowing today. in october. and i don’t even live THAT far north… i’m not quite in new england. 😉

erm… i feel like i have so much i wanted to say but i can’t remember…

ok. randomness: i LOVE how men’s fingers and hands are so large compared to mine (i’m petite). it makes them seem so strong… like one of them could lift me up, put me in his backpack, and take me on a hike.

well, enough of that. thinspo:

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^^^i LOVE these thighs

anyway, i remembered: i wanted to tell you that i’ve stayed around 1000 the past 2 days and i plan on doing the same today. i have to get back on track!!!

back!

October 4, 2009

hi, guys! sorry i haven’t written in a while… i’ve been really busy with homework, studying, emt, and college essays, but hopefully things will settle down soon… it’s pretty stressful here, but i hope you’re all ok.

i ate waaay too much the past 2 days. yesterday, i actually went OVER my limit so i didn’t have a deficit (it’s been SOOO long since i’ve done that) and the day before i was over 1200. yuck. and today i definitely looked fatter. my stomach wasn’t as flat and my legs were definitely heavier. and today i’ve already had 500 cal. ugh. 😦

i need to get back on track!!! i’m just so tired and stressed all the time. help!

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happy friday (thinspo)

September 18, 2009

i’m still a little bit stressed… but i think that i’ll always be. at least until i get into college– if it’s the one i want.

:-/

anyhow, i’m feeling some thinspo right now! i’m sorry that it’s become a weekly thing, but i’ve been so busy lately!!! 😦

490

this is a crazy picture 😉

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horses ❤

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ugh. i love her arms. *jealous*

anyhow, i hope you all have a god weekend if i don’t write! i’m trying to finish up my applications and i have some intense homework (think presentations…and i’m someone who CAN’T public speak…)

breath breath

alright. ciao.

sh!t

September 16, 2009

i’m so stressed right now about appyling to college, upcoming essays/ projects, and being accepted/ rejected to college that i just flipped out. i felt like i was having another panic attack… i cried. i shook. and then i had a (relative) binge.

but the pasta tasted good and i was hungry and sad… ugh. my dark place. i need a light.

now i’ve eaten over 1200 cal today with no time to exercise because of all of my darn homework from my darn 4 ap classes.

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

does anyone have any stress management tips? because i feel right now like i’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. :-/

exhausted

September 4, 2009

less than a week of school and i already feel like i’m going to die. sooo much homework, and late nights… what am i supposed to do next week? how will i survive?

sleep

We’re Going To Be Friends

September 2, 2009

Fall is here, hear the yell
Back to school, ring the bell
Brand new shoes, walking blues
Climb the fence, books and pens
I can tell that we are going to be friends
Yes I can tell that we are going to be friends
Walk with me Susie Lee
Through the park and by the tree
We can rest upon the ground
And look at all the bugs we’ve found
Safely walk to school without a sound
We safely walk to school without a sound
Well here we are no one else
We walk to school all by ourselves
There’s dirt on our uniforms
From chasing all the ants and worms
We clean up and now it’s time to learn
We clean up and now it’s time to learn
Numbers letters learn to spell
Nouns and books and show and tell
Play time we will throw the ball
Then back to class through the hall
The teacher marks our height against the wall
The teacher marks our height against the wall
And we don’t notice any time pass
Because we don’t notice anything
And we sit side by side in every class
The teacher thinks that I sound funny
But she likes it when you sing
Tonight I’ll dream in my bed
While silly thoughts run through my head
Of the bugs and alphabet
And when I wake tomorrow I’ll bet
That you and I will walk together again
Because I can tell that we are going to be friends
I can tell that we are going to be friends

 

so i went back to school today. it was alright but i already have a TON of homework from all my AP classes. i’m taking 4. kill me now.

anyway, i saw coach-devil today. twice. or maybe it was 3 times. and i saw coach-bitch (that’s the jv one) twice or three times. so that was great.

BUT i saw my love twice, and that just cancelled all the bad out. 🙂

i also got to see this guy who i used to/ still do kind of have a crush on. he spent time abroad last year, but now he’s back in on of my classes, and we’ve been put at a table together. just the two of us.

but he hasn’t said anything or seems like he wants to, and i’m too shy/ scared. what should i do?

so i’ve had a crap week. but i saw on imaginenamaste’s blog, a list of things that she was proud of about herself, regarless of crappy things that are happening. so here is my own– a list of good things about the bad things and about me:

  1. i will have more time now (for homework, friends, family, my appearance, etc.)
  2. i won’t be as tired/ stressed (goes along with ^)
  3. i don’t have to eat as much (aka i can go back on my 1000 cal diet. yay!)
  4. i get to see who my real friends are
  5. i have a small gap between my thighs (haha, random)
  6. i still have my brain (which helps me write poetry and will hopefully help me get into an ivy league college)
  7. i’m somewhat pretty (when i don’t smile)
  8. i can spend more quality time with my hobbies (fashion, bracelet-making, knitting,…)
  9. i’ll be home more, so maybe we can finally get another dog (?)
  10. i love my petiteness; love wearing children’s clothes, bracelets, etc.

you know, that made me feel good. 🙂

moving on

August 27, 2009

first off, i want to thank you all SO SO much for commenting! you guys really helped me feel better 🙂

i’m trying to move on. i’m waiting for school to start so i can get swept up in homework, standardized tests, and emt. i know that i’ll miss doing a sport (hence my interest in joining cross country) but i don’t think i will. unless i end up having too much time on my hands.

i’m still really mad at the coaches though. i don’t think that i explained the whole situation and i can’t now because it’s WAAAY too long, but here’s the short version:

i had a meeting with the head coach at the end of last year, during which he basically implied that if i could get my asthma under control and come out stronger in the running, i would make the team. he said absolutely NOTHING that gave me even the slightest hint that i wouldn’t.

then what? i’m cut. i’m cut AND i’m a senior (and seniors DON’T get cut… ever. any sport. not at my school)

but not only that, i’m the ONLY senior cut.

embarrassing, no?

so i’m still really mad at him, and i’m not sure how long it will take me to get over it. thing is, he was supposed to be my teacher this year (= a disaster?) so i’m currently trying to switch out of his class.

i now may have to take that class at a local college= even less time to think about what i’m missing. (but also less time to study, etc.)

i wish it didn’t happen; i wish i hadn’t been cut. but even so, i shouldn’t dwell on it. i’m trying to get out of shock-mode and back on my feet.

oh, and hopefully make some new friends.

i wish it would. i mean, this is my last year! what if i never get the chance to play again? (i won’t if my college doesn’t have club teams)

don’t think that this means i’m not trying out, because i am. tomorrow. *shudders*

but coach said some thing yesterday that kind of scared the sh!t out of me: “there could be cuts on all levels.” ALL LEVEL?!? like, seniors too?

usually, seniors aren’t cut. in ANY sport at my school, so this was quite a suprise.

the thing is, of all the seniors, i am by far the weakest link.

of all the seniors and the juniors, i am probably still the weakest link.

but would he cut just one senior? one who’s given him 3 years? one who’s tried her best and been a good sports and NOT b!tched out the coaches? that’s hard to find amongst the upperclassmen.

the thing is, part of the reason why i’m not playing so well right now is my asthma. it HATES the summer, and it’s been extremely hot here (100+ ?) for the past week or so. it makes breathing extremely difficult, which makes running (especially sprinting) extremely difficult, which makes drills a bit more difficult.

i know. i’m making excuses. shame, shame.

so, i feel like i’m probably going to get cut. and then i’ll scorekeep or offer to help out or something…?

now, let’s assume that i DON’T get cut:

i have a hell of a lot of work this year. i’m taking ap classes to the max (one of them’s even the supposed hardest at my school) AND taking an emt class twice a week.

i’ve done field hockey and homework. it isn’t a huge deal. but field hockey and emt class might conflict on days we have games– especially if they’re away games since both jv and varsity teams have to play.

and then on days when there’s practice, i have about an hours to go home, shower, and start my homework. so i guess i’ll have to finish it after emt class?

coach is nice– really nice, but i know that he won’t like this. he’ll see this as not commited to the team; i’m trying to be, but there are things that i NEED to do for college, and field hockey isn’t one of them. i just happen to love the sport.

i know that i’m getting ahead of myself; i should take it one step at a time. step 1: get through tryouts.

but still, i feel like this can’t end well for me. 😦