procrastination thinspo

December 13, 2010

i read a grand total of 50 pages today. excuse me, but F**K!!! now i have to read all this stuff tomorrow and wednesday morning.

not that i’m new to this. no, sir. i’m a veteran of procrastination… which probably isn’t great but it’s one of my smaller problems.

anyhow, enough words!

she reminds me of the Australian character on Outsourced, played by Pippa Black, who is likewise thin and gorgeous.

sigh. i love supermodels. i think they’re the most beautiful creatures on the planet.

and we end here with the lovely Emma Watson.

speaking of which, how did everyone enjoy the new movie???

END SCENE

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more finals week happenings

December 12, 2010

so, i’ve been trying to do that thing when you open the window and shiver, and therefore, burn calories. except, the problem is that i get really f**king cold, so then i have to go close the window.

but then i have to open it again about 30 seconds later because the heat in my dorm room is turned up high, and if i turn it down it will, in fact, stop working. (my dorm is old as crap… but it’s gorgeous so whatever.)

it’s annoying, but between that and reading blogs i’ve only read one chapter for anthro final on wednesday. yes, i am a SUPREME over-acheiver.

you know what else was fun? dinner last night. firstly, because it was, in fact, dinner. out. with people. and of course i simply adore eating out AND people. not.

also, because a of lovely conversation:

friend: …because i’m the shortest one at this table.
me: hey, i’m not far behind.
CG: really? i always think you’re shorter.
me: well, i’m not.
CG: i always think you are.
me: ok. why?
friend: is it because i’m wide? (she’s not, btw)
me: no. are you calling me wide?
friend 2: i think he is.
me: you’re totally calling me fat.
CG: i’m not f**king (he loves that word) calling you fat…

and then he kept going. blah blah blah. but he was, correct? the reason one would look shorter would be because they look wider… like the psychology experiment when all the little children thought that the tall, thin glass would hold more water than a shorter, wider glass would even though they actually could hold the same volume. it’s all a matter of perception.

and, apparently, i’m the short, fat glass and “friend,” who, by the way, CG was pretty much obsessed with a couple of months ago… and who seems to still be the object of his version of affection, is the slightly shorter, less-wide glass that didn’t make it into the experiment, because it has better things to do.

not that i think any less of CG for that comment. i have daddy-issues… so logically i’ve now decided that i want to get into his EXTREMELY-intelligent-but-jerky-and-not-so-handsome pants.

so that’s kind of replaced my whole ace-this-anthro-final goal. now, all i need is to get him to agree to come over and have some beer (or a lot).

finals week in college/ university/ whatever you call it is so f**ked up… and it takes you down with it.

c’est moi

December 11, 2010

this is what i look like right now, at 102.8, a weight that i’ve remained at for many moons… and one that makes me uncomfortable, as i really really really want to get back to the 90s. when i left for college, i was at 93! hopefully, some of this is muscle from all the crazy hills here and the walking i’ve been doing. and the occasional visit to the gym (i REALLY need to start going more. next semester).

and NOT weight from the beginning of some Freshman 15 fiasco or the crazy high-cal days i’ve been having: like, around 2000 cal. at home, at school… i’m not sure what triggers them, but that isn’t going to matter, for i’m not going to let them happen again. i’ve been doing really well this past week, so… yeah. i’m gonna best this, or whatever. (i’m tired.)

side note: i’m actually starting to think that my scale may be broken, because my guy friend likes to weigh himself on it from time to time and he’s REALLY tall and weighs a lot more than me, and when my brothers were here, they weighed themselves and one of them claimed he weighed 10 lbs more on my scale. (the other said nothing, but he usually doesn’t.) so hopefully that means i weigh a bit less than 102… though i fear i may weight more, for i’m not a fan of what my stomach and thighs have been up to lately.

so, yeah. that’s annoying.

and if you saw the stack of paper that i have to read in order to do well on my anthropology final, you might cry. and i NEED to ace this final because anthropology is my thing. it’s what i do, who i am, all that jazz…

and now my printer has run out of ink. oh, joy.

BUUUT luckily i’m going home on wednesday for 5 WHOLE WEEKS!!! no homework, classes, tests… just hanging out with my family and my old friends. and watching tv. and eating healthy, home-cooked meals (thank goodness my mom is trying to lose weight at well! not that she knows i’m trying to lose any…), and perhaps a bubble-bath or two? (i haven’t had one of those in ages…)

so… cheers to that! and i hope all of you who are having finals now aren’t stressed out too much 🙂

a tout a l’heure (when i WILL post thinspo)

french final

December 11, 2010

first off, i want to thank Jolie for her sweet comment! it’s TRUE that there are many great teachers. i’ve been fortunate enough to be lucky in this regard.

to answer your question, i’m almost 19 and in college– an in college if you have a really great teacher, you have to give them up halfway through the year and start anew… usually. but this time, i wasn’t going to have to, i thought. and i was THRILLED… which just made the news that much harder for me to hear.

anyhow, i just got back from my final for that class. usually after tests and finals i’m mentally exhausted because i pour my brain onto the paper, but this time i’m emotionally exhausted. seeing my discussion group (who i’ve seen 4 days a week since august and gotten to know and trust) together for possibly the last time made me so nostalgic… and i’m prone to nostalgia anyway.

have you guys ever seen the show Community on NBC? with Joel Mchale, etc. ? we were like that… because foreign language classes in college are different from other classes; you really HAVE to meet every day or you wont develop the language skills.

it turned out to be such a blessing, though…

anyhow, i’m feeling really down, still. perhaps i will post later.

finals week

December 10, 2010

so, i SHOULD be studying for my french final tomorrow. i REALLY should. i mean, i studied the vocab and i’m pretty set on that… but studying grammar is just depressing. you know it’s true.

and i certainly know it’s true. i’m DIAGNOSED, after all.

and then there’s the fact that my beloved french TA informed us that she might not be teaching our french section next semester.

i almost cried.

she’s the kind of TA that treats us like the adults we are (she TRUSTS us) and really, TRULY cares about us. we had this potluck once, and she made what she brought in vegan so i could have some. (i’m the only vegan in the class.)

it was so sweet that when i left that class, i DID cry a bit.

anyway, she’s what every TA, teacher, professor,… WHATEVER should be. and i simply can’t imagine next semester without her…

and so, when i’m studying french and bits and pieces from class this semester start darting around my brain, i get sad. i get REALLY FREAKING SAD… and i want to stop.

but i can’t if i want to get a good grade. and i DO! i want to attend Harvard for my graduate degree, so i really do want to do well, but i feel so down.

and all this french–the words, the sounds, though beautiful– is making this all painfully difficult.

i’m sorry for such a downer post… but this is what my life is like sometimes. a lot.

a tout a l’heure… a bientot…

whichever i decided

the beginning in the end

December 9, 2010

no, i’m not talking about the wonderfully hear-wrenching episode of Bones… that actually led me to cry hysterically during the closing credits (and i DON’T cry during tv shows, movies… except Toy Story 3, and i only cried a LITTLE bit).

no, i’m talking about the end of the semester–my first semester at college/ university– and the chance it brings for me to start over on my weight-loss journey. (though, if you were wishing i was talking about the Bones episode, you might want to check out my BRAND SPANKING NEW Bones blog: idontknowhathatmeans.blogspot.com )

anyhow, i’m going to have a whole month at home before i have to come back here, which i think is more than enough time to reassess and come up with a masterful game-plan… not to mention, really get started exercising and losing again.

my plan:

weigh in the high-90s (at most) by Christmas

weigh in the mid to low 90s by the time i go back to school (late January)

start running

 

i’m actually excited for that last bit ^^^ because i have all this under-armor from my stint in winter track (good times!) and, of course, field hockey… and i’m excited to get back into it and have it FIT the way it used to.

plus, it makes me look super-cool when i wear it 😉

any workout music recommendations?

-K

99.6

November 7, 2010

I’m back, baby!

At least for today. At least for this weigh-in.

And, at least in terms of weight.

I’m still guy-less. I shouldn’t feel desperate but I am. I texted this guy last last, whom I met during orientation (let’s call him OG… except, I already have one of those, don’t I? Well, I met him randomly, so let’s call him RG. So now, to clarify, there’s an RG, OG, CG, and TA). I asked if he wanted to go see a movie but he said he was too busy with work.

And I have no reason to believe that’s not the case, because I ran into him last week and he was grabbing a sandwich to take back to his room because he had to study with prelims.

Regardless, I was disappointed… but I ended up watching Amelie at the community center, and that’s one of my favorite movies, so it ended up being a pretty good night!

*sigh* I love Audrey Tautou. She’s gorgeous and thin…

But I digress.

Maybe the secret to happiness is always having a viable Plan B.

And being asexual.

happy halloween!

October 31, 2010

i almost forgot about it… and then i looked at the date. so… happy happy!

just, don’t eat too much candy 🙂

it’s my first college halloween, so i’ll definitely be going out! (apparently, people have been going out in costume all weekend. there’s nothing quite like walking back from a friend’s– CG’s 🙂 — and seeing spongebob stumbling around…)

i shall be the glorious daphne from none other than scooby doo, and my wonderful friends will be the lesser characters 😉

what are you guys going out as?

men. sigh.

October 25, 2010

so last night at about 9, i get a call. who’s it from? CG. he wants to go skating. his friends from his building can’t go, so he wants me to step in.

i’ll take it!

so we go. we skate. we talk. he makes fun of my skating because after 8 year of not skating i’ve forgotten how. i almost fall a few times and he catches me.

it was FUN. and i got to know another layer of him… because that’s the thing with him. he has TONS of layers, and some people just can’t seem to get past that first arrogant (but trés amusant!) layer.

and he really enjoys my company. he told me that. 🙂 but i can’t help thinking that maybe i’m the consolation prize to (is that the right word?) his friends… or my friend, whom he liked but didn’t share his feelings.

and then this morning in discussion i see TA. and he’s still pale with those eyes. and still kind of awkward. and i feel like even though CG and i SHOULD be able to work it out (i mean, we’re in the same year, both single, get along, etc.) but i feel like i have a better chance with TA. and i shouldn’t. it’s crazy!

and then my mom texts me and asks me if i have a boyfriend. she’s “just wondering.” bluh.

but, hey! i had a good day yesterday eating-wise AND burned some calories skating.

and i just bought new skates so i can burn more. 😉

alone

October 17, 2010

so guess who didn’t show up last night? or text. or call. or answer my call. yeah, that would be CG.

i really wanted to come. i thought this time would be different. i thought we would fall asleep together, and he’d realize that i’m what he wants. he always complains about how girls always see him as just a friend, but i don’t. i’m here. i’m not unattractive.

i try to be a good friend. i try. he seems like he isn’t trying at all these days.

i really need to stop becoming enamored with people who can’t/ won’t reciprocate. i guess it’s all part of having “daddy issues” from a lack of any consistent father-figure. (i mean, i LOVE my dad, but we didn’t spend much time together.)

c’est la vie.

anyhow, i just got back from brunch:

^^^ i ate this. and then i went and got more of the dim sum.

my estimate? 900 calories. terrific. but i AM going to a concert tonight (Phoenix) and so i will make it a point to dance.

and i have my gym class today. and a LOT of studying (not much time to think about food, i hope).

i need to do this! i’ve already lost almost 2 pounds since last week! 3 more and i’m back into the 90s where i want to be. and when i’m 98, i’m going to buy myself a briefcase-inspired satchel. in brown.

🙂 / 😦

au revoir!