do you ever look around your school/ workplace/ neighborhood and notice all of these people who look better than you? i know i do. and thanks to facebook, i get to notice them A LOT because these people just love posting pictures of themselves.

which is vain, i suppose, though i wonder if i’d do the same if i looked like they did.

the bikini pictures get me the most. i mean, these are real people the i know… not people whose pictures i found by typing “thinspo” into Google images… and they look so much better than me that it’s crazy.

because i know i don’t look bad. i know that. i’m not anywhere close to being overweight.

maybe that’s it. i know that i’m close, so i keep asking myself why i can’t just go a little further and be proud of how i look in pictures and real life.

especially pictures… i think there’s something wrong with my mirror, because i’ll look at myself and think good things, and then i’ll see pictures of myself from that same day later and thing whaaat? what happened?

do you know what i mean? it’s like some cruel optical illusion. 😦

so here are the promised pictures:

^^^ i want arms like these

^^^ i love this dress! anyone know where i can get one like it?

^^^ i LOVE her. so pretty.

^^^ can these please be my legs?

huh. her face kind of looks like mine. her hair kind of looks like mine too. but her body? ha!

anyhow, yesterday i was kind of trying to hint to my friend that i have an ED because i was bored and because i hoped she would be supportive.

i said, “when i was a sophmore i didn’t eat for three weeks.”

and then she started going off about how she knows because one time she fit into a small.

i kept my cool, but really??? i was trying to talk to her about something serious and she just made light of it.

needless to say, when i try again to talk to someone about this, it WON’T be her.

i’m sorry for this long post, but i just have a quick Q: how can one gain ten pounds in a week while eating the same amount she’s been eating? because last week, my weight went from 92 to 100.

ok, so that’s 8 pounds, but how is that possible? can bloating alone cause it?

and why, this week, am i 102???

i’m kind of flipped out here, because i really changed NOTHING and i was doing so, so well… 😦

at least yesterday was good. i was so busy with my friends after school that i only ended up eating 600 calories, which is low for my taste, but it’s better than high.

maybe socializing is the key to weight loss. maybe that’s why all those “popular” girls from my school are so skinny…

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i think i’ve been watching too much glee… but this actually describes how i feel, at the moment. i went over my allotted the day before halloween by 300-something (WTF?!? i’m still so pissed) and the day after (yesterday) my deficit was less then 100. and all weekend my thighs looked bigger and my size-2 jeans didn’t hang on me like they did only a week before.

so today and this week i’m trying to do A LOT better… especially because i have a party on thursday with some friends whom i haven’t seen in a while, and i just NEED them to notice how my thighs are beginning to shape up.

it’s a very stressful time… also because the quarter is ending at school (grades!!!) and i applied early decision to a school that i’m beginning to feel less and less confident about.

i need a pick-me-up, and that means… THINSPO!

520

521

522

524

525

are these repeats??? i feel like they might be… 😦

anyway, enough about me. how are you guys? it’s been a long time.

EDIT: they are. here’s more:

526

528

529

530

531

yay 🙂

so i went

July 28, 2009

… to field hockey, that is.

we started off with a long 2.5 mile run (with hills) and then did regular drills for and hour and a half.

it sucked; i feel like my legs are going to fall off. but i’m glad i went. it feels good to be back in it… AND get a good work out.

but when i put on my jeans right after practice, i feel like my hips got wider than before practice (when i was wearing the same jeans). is it possible that i can gain muscle that fast?

so if anyone can help me solve this mystery… or even wager a guess, please do! i’m confused and annoyed!
😦

which jeans?

June 3, 2009

i’m really not sure what kind of jeans to buy. i know it’s spring, but i want jeans. but should i get regular or colored from pacsun.com?

ugh… i’m tired. this post sounds stupid. i’m sorry. i’m just going to move on:

breakfast:
crackers- 60 cal

lunch:
pretzels- 90 cal

snack:
yogurt: 100 cal

dinner:
pizza- 250 cal

dessert:
cake- 600 cal

looser

May 30, 2009

my size 2 jean appear to be too baggy for school now; they just look sloppy. they look fine at the beginning of the day, but then they get stretched out with all the sitting and hardly touch my legs. i think that’s a good sign. maybe i should get a size 0 now…?

breakfast:
greek yogurt- 110 cal

lunch:
pizza- 225 cal

snack:
cookie- 100 cal

UPDATE:

dinner:
spring rolls- 250 cal

dessert:
cake- 800 cal 😦

which amounts to 1500 which is waaay over my goal thanks to my midday cake binge… darn cake. i feel like i’m going to look really fat tomorrow, and it sucks.

on the bright side, i made a shocking discovery: those size 2 jeans that i keep mentioning? they’re actually a size 1. 1! how could i have missed that?!? still… that’s pretty cool. that means that not only am i getting too small for a size 2, but also a size 1. yay!