99.6

November 7, 2010

I’m back, baby!

At least for today. At least for this weigh-in.

And, at least in terms of weight.

I’m still guy-less. I shouldn’t feel desperate but I am. I texted this guy last last, whom I met during orientation (let’s call him OG… except, I already have one of those, don’t I? Well, I met him randomly, so let’s call him RG. So now, to clarify, there’s an RG, OG, CG, and TA). I asked if he wanted to go see a movie but he said he was too busy with work.

And I have no reason to believe that’s not the case, because I ran into him last week and he was grabbing a sandwich to take back to his room because he had to study with prelims.

Regardless, I was disappointed… but I ended up watching Amelie at the community center, and that’s one of my favorite movies, so it ended up being a pretty good night!

*sigh* I love Audrey Tautou. She’s gorgeous and thin…

But I digress.

Maybe the secret to happiness is always having a viable Plan B.

And being asexual.

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men. sigh.

October 25, 2010

so last night at about 9, i get a call. who’s it from? CG. he wants to go skating. his friends from his building can’t go, so he wants me to step in.

i’ll take it!

so we go. we skate. we talk. he makes fun of my skating because after 8 year of not skating i’ve forgotten how. i almost fall a few times and he catches me.

it was FUN. and i got to know another layer of him… because that’s the thing with him. he has TONS of layers, and some people just can’t seem to get past that first arrogant (but trés amusant!) layer.

and he really enjoys my company. he told me that. 🙂 but i can’t help thinking that maybe i’m the consolation prize to (is that the right word?) his friends… or my friend, whom he liked but didn’t share his feelings.

and then this morning in discussion i see TA. and he’s still pale with those eyes. and still kind of awkward. and i feel like even though CG and i SHOULD be able to work it out (i mean, we’re in the same year, both single, get along, etc.) but i feel like i have a better chance with TA. and i shouldn’t. it’s crazy!

and then my mom texts me and asks me if i have a boyfriend. she’s “just wondering.” bluh.

but, hey! i had a good day yesterday eating-wise AND burned some calories skating.

and i just bought new skates so i can burn more. 😉

apple cider vinegar

October 20, 2010

(by the way, i’m posting this from the building i take french in. how cool is that? i love laptops!)

this stuff is amazing: put it in water and it suppresses your appetite. put it on your skin and it cleans and dries out pimples.

it does smell really gross though… which i suppose is a good thing when you’re trying to avoid food.

so i had lunch with CG yesterday. and some of his friends. at first it was awkward like it usually is, but then i started to get more comfortable and they started talking to me instead of around me and it was kind of fun. they aren’t the kind of people i would choose as friends for myself, but they can be very entertaining.

anyway, i just thought of that because i’m waiting for him now. he has a class in this building in about half an hour, so we usually get to talk either before or after. its nice.

i’m still attracted to him, and i get jealous when he so much as talks to another girl, but i’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that he isn’t the one i want, and that we’d probably make a horrible couple.

also, another guy has come into the picture. i’ll call him TA because that’s what he is: my TA.

why does this always happen? 😉

suddenly monday

October 18, 2010

^^^ this is what i ate for lunch. tofu, brussel sprouts, and tofu chili. i’ll put it at 500 calories to be safe, but all this vegan food tends to be pretty darn healthy. i mean, this meal is at least 1/2 vegetable… and other meals can be 3/4 vegetable.

and it’s yummy!

honestly, i don’t know where i’m going with this post, because i started it while i was ichating with a friend from another college. but yeah.

i had a 200 cal breakfast, but i burned that off speed-walking back and forth around campus all day, so i’m at 500 cal. that means i will allow myself to have 500 cal at dinner.

yep.

i feel boring today… maybe after yesterday’s drama. all of the sudden, i just couldn’t handle any of my feelings and i got really upset about CG. but then last night i had a dream about the guy back home (did i give him a name? regardless, he’s now OG for older guy). It took place a year from now, and he was telling me how it wasn’t working out with his gf (who i think was his new wife in the dream). something about kids: he wanted them; she didn’t. i told him i wanted kids, and he gave me that look he’s been growing fonder of ever since last year– the one that knows that under different circumstances we’d be compatible.

and so when i woke up, i’d forgotten all about CG. after all, he, and any other guy for that matter, will always simply be a consolation prize.

and then i went to my history discussion and realized all over again how cute my TA is– how much he resembles OG. except, i thought, a younger version. (apparently, only 1/2 a year younger… why do i always think guys are younger than they are? wishful thinking?)

anyway, now my friends are beginning to think i’m crazy… and i am, but not because of the people i’m attracted to.

or am i?

this was a pointless post. i’m sorry. maybe thinspo would help?

except that the stupid attachment thing won’t load my photos. perfect.

i’m going to fix this… and then i’ll be back.

no words

June 14, 2010

i don’t feel like talking today. all i will say is: men.

😦

thinspo thinspo thinspo

September 24, 2009

i had a good day today. a good talk with my love. a great test grade. an okay quiz grade. an even more okay grade on a paper…

i think i deserve some thinspo!

in fact, i think we ALL deserve some thinspo for almost being done with the week! woo!

497

the knees ❤

498

the thighs ❤

499

500

501

that last pic is especially good for me, as i’m white as a ghost and used to use that as an excuse for why i looked so fat (ever notice that when your thighs are tanned they look thinner?).

anyway…

last week or so i’ve been in the 1100s and the 1000s (mostly the 1000s) calorie-wise; i’m afraid i’m going to plateau soon… or maybe i already have. i felt fat today 😦

so maybe i’ll have a 1500 day soon to give my metabolism a little kick? i don’t feel comfortable going down; i already am finding it harder to concentrate at times and occasionally shake…

could be my imagination though. a placebo-effect, if you will.

i mentioned yesterday that i don’t get people… but really, it’s the male population. males truly bewilder me… maybe because i never had much of a father figure… but i want that to stop. i want to get males and i want them to like me. i want to get chatted up in bars. which is why i’ve been reading this: http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html

it’s all about verbal and non-verbal signals which may sound boring, but it’s really fascinating. and helpful. i feel like if i learn these tips and lose some weight (esp. in the boob area– they seriously make me look huge!) i’ll be good to go. i hope.

ps. does anyone have any tips to share? sorry… 🙂

anyway…

breakFAST:
crackers- 50

lunch:
pretzels- 80

snack:
greek yogurt- 100

dinner:
mac and cheese- 300

dessert:    😦
cake- 500
ice cream- 300

exercise:
dancing- (-)100

i have such a sweet tooth… i feel like i just can’t stop myself sometimes, esp. since it tends to be really all-or-nothing with me. i’m surprised that i’ve found such a balance so far. i mean, today was 1280 which isn’t great, but it’s not 1900. and it leaves me less exhausted than 400…

no, no. stop inabling. tomorrow my goal is 1150 or under. preferably, a lot under.