December 20, 2010

while not perfect– or, really, ideal— it’s not 102.8!


seriously, i was stuck on that darn number for… a week? 10 days? (something ridiculous)

and now i’ve finally made it off that number and onto a different, lower number. (and one without any of those decimal points, which i like. 101.0. so chic, so sleek.)


also… my finals are over! HUZZAH! and i’m home 🙂 which is nice because i love my family… and i have easy access to an exercise bike AND an elliptical in our wonderful basement ❤ for when i eat too much. it’s my way of purging, so i suppose i’m running down that path towards “exercise bulimia” or “exercise anorexia”… but isn’t it healthier to get rid of calories by exercising then by vomiting?

anyway… celebratory thinspo:

a demain

my thighs

January 30, 2010

yup… there they are. they’re looking less huge today, so that’s good. but then i was forced to go to dinner with the family and had waaay too many calories because i’m HORRIBLE with restaurants. the portions are so big and everyone’s talking… it’s over-stimulating, i suppose. and then i eat because i’m stressed or because that’s what one’s supposed to do in a restaurant. sigh.

and then i went home and tried to make myself throw up. i told myself that today was the day and shoved that toothbrush down.

and i gagged and gagged but nothing came up. double sigh.

i DID feel slightly nauseas afterwards, though. maybe i was close…? ugh. i feel like such a failure. i really though i was going to do it…

so then i had to go all exercise bulimia and dance for an hour and a half, but i still feel disgusting.

i feel like fasting; i think i’m getting worse…

is this true?

September 5, 2009

i read online that these colors represent these things (for lack of a better word):

Red: Anoerexia
Purple: Bulimia
Green: fasting at that time
Black: Si (self injury)
Blue: depression
Pink: ednos (eating disorder not yet specified)
Orange: SIer (self injuryier)
Orange and White: recovered SIer
Ana Recovery-Red and Black
Mia Recovery-purple and black
cutter recovery-blue and black
ednos recovery-black/green/blue
orange or black = self harm
yellow = suicidal
blue or green = depression
green = manic/bipolar depression
teal = anxiety disorder + ocd + panic disorder

i mean, i knew the basics (though i was under the impression that bulimia is blue), but the rest of these symbolic colors are completely foreign to me. has anyone else heard of this?


check it out: http://prunfriendly.wordpress.com/

i made a new bracelet because i was in the car for a while and i was bored 🙂



my camera is crap, so the pictures are crap, but this is my new ana bracelet. (i now have 3!!!) 🙂

i have beads, but i decided not to put any on because i’m afriad of being too obvious, now that normal people are catching on to the whole red-beaded-bracelet thing. :-/

what do you think?

EDIT: you know what? the first person who orders a bracelet gets the bracelet (that she/he ordered) free! 🙂

i don;t know if you’ve noticed the new page i’ve added, but it’s finally been updated. check it out!


June 17, 2009

i have exams coming up and i’m FREAKING because i really haven;t been studying… so i’m going to go mia for a while so i can focus… 

see you soon! 🙂

EDIT: sorry! i didn’t mean to worry you!  i don’t mean mia as in BULIMIA… but  MIA as in MISSING IN ACTION. my bad!!!

stomach flu

May 12, 2009

oh, wow! it seems like i haven’t written in a reeeally long time. that’s because, if you haven’t guessed from the title of this post, i came down with the stomach flu. luckily, it came the morning AFTER prom instead of ruining which turned out to be an alright occasion (though i don’t look NEARLY as skinny in the pictures as i wanted to :-/ ).  and, i feel a lot skinnier today because of it. and, i’m feeling quite motivated from memories of intense stomach pains to seriously stick small, plain meals until i’m COMPLETELY better (about a week?). so, all in all, stomach flu SUCKS and if i had to go through it all the time to be skinny, i wouldn’t. but since its been really helping with my diet lately, i’m glad that something good came out of it, you know?

ok… i feel like that was one big ramble. sorry.

ps. throwing up= purging… but easier? so stomach flu= mia for slackers.


May 7, 2009

i think that the whole idea of prom is ridiculous– too decadent. i mean, paying who knows how much for one night that can’t possibly live up to your expectations? not my kind of thing. and yet, i find myself going. tomorrow.

frankly, i’m nervous. this is supposed to be one of my weight-loss checkpoints; if my legs look skinny in pictures, i’m doing well. but what if they don’t? what if my calves look huge and my arms look fat and i have all of that armpit flab or whatever it’s called (do you know what i mean?)? i feel physically sick just thinking about it… but not quite enough to go all mia.  :-/