more finals week happenings

December 12, 2010

so, i’ve been trying to do that thing when you open the window and shiver, and therefore, burn calories. except, the problem is that i get really f**king cold, so then i have to go close the window.

but then i have to open it again about 30 seconds later because the heat in my dorm room is turned up high, and if i turn it down it will, in fact, stop working. (my dorm is old as crap… but it’s gorgeous so whatever.)

it’s annoying, but between that and reading blogs i’ve only read one chapter for anthro final on wednesday. yes, i am a SUPREME over-acheiver.

you know what else was fun? dinner last night. firstly, because it was, in fact, dinner. out. with people. and of course i simply adore eating out AND people. not.

also, because a of lovely conversation:

friend: …because i’m the shortest one at this table.
me: hey, i’m not far behind.
CG: really? i always think you’re shorter.
me: well, i’m not.
CG: i always think you are.
me: ok. why?
friend: is it because i’m wide? (she’s not, btw)
me: no. are you calling me wide?
friend 2: i think he is.
me: you’re totally calling me fat.
CG: i’m not f**king (he loves that word) calling you fat…

and then he kept going. blah blah blah. but he was, correct? the reason one would look shorter would be because they look wider… like the psychology experiment when all the little children thought that the tall, thin glass would hold more water than a shorter, wider glass would even though they actually could hold the same volume. it’s all a matter of perception.

and, apparently, i’m the short, fat glass and “friend,” who, by the way, CG was pretty much obsessed with a couple of months ago… and who seems to still be the object of his version of affection, is the slightly shorter, less-wide glass that didn’t make it into the experiment, because it has better things to do.

not that i think any less of CG for that comment. i have daddy-issues… so logically i’ve now decided that i want to get into his EXTREMELY-intelligent-but-jerky-and-not-so-handsome pants.

so that’s kind of replaced my whole ace-this-anthro-final goal. now, all i need is to get him to agree to come over and have some beer (or a lot).

finals week in college/ university/ whatever you call it is so f**ked up… and it takes you down with it.

hey, everybody!

June 13, 2010

i just did an hour of yoga!

…ok, actually just 40 minutes, but that’s pretty good, right? i exercise at gym at school about every other day (elliptical or treadmill) and occasionally use my crap elliptical at home when i freak about about eating too much (i guess a part of me is exercise-bulimic…?) or dance when my ipod just happens to be on and playing a good song and i’m alone, but i’ve never had much of a consistent, at-home routine.

maybe it’s time to start one. maybe i’m not young enough anymore that i can get away with simply dieting to lose weight and look fabulous. (i AM of voting age now, after all…)

i found my yoga video on my netflix instant play thing and there’s dancing and pilates too, so maybe once school’s out i should do a video every other day, and for now, do one a week…

i think that’s a good plan, right?

in further news, when i get to where i want to be body-wise, i want to try acting or modeling. my dream is to take a train across the country to los angeles and stay for a few weeks to a month and just audition like crazy! i could stay in some motel or rent a crap apartment… and i don’t know who i’d go with. could i go alone? it’s kind of going against the whole buddy-system rule…

i guess my plan still needs some ironing out, but it sounds promising, right? i wish i could go this summer, but i’m going to have a lot to do to get ready for college, so i’m setting my sights on next summer.

maybe this summer, i can just start in new york. which would make sense. why go across the country when i can audition locally? i mean, i guess i view los angeles as having more opportunities, but then again i’ve never been there…

so new york. this summer. PRACTICE.

and in order to get anywhere, especially since i haven’t acted since middle school and wasn’t particularly good, i’m going to need to look awesome. have that whole star-quality thing down. good body. good hair. good clothes. good skin. (any tips for good skin, btw? it’s usually OK, but around THAT TIME… not great 😦 )

what do you think? this is crazy, right? but maybe it would be fun, and i’d know i tried when i was young…

anyway, how about some pictures?

^^^i want these thighs

^^^ sometimes i wish i were model-tall… or even just tall… or of a normal height

^^^i’m OBSESSED with nautical stripes. esp in navy.

^^^the way she walks, she looks like a much-skinnier version of me. all i need are those lovely arms and calves… but i feel like my calves are so bulky/ stumpy, and not long and lean. anyone know what i can do about that?

alright, everyone. happy sunday! and don’t forget to dream big 🙂

Favorite Diet Food: little oranges, all berries except strawberries, sweet potatoes

Favorite Binge Food: cake, cookies (sweet things)

Favorite Exercise: dancing, walking around the mall, running (sometimes)

Thinspo: petite girls and actresses (audrey tautou ESPECIALLY!!!)

When Did It Start? 15 (though there were hints at 14)

Does Anyone Know?  nope


Do You Want Help? nope

What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror? THIGHS THIGHS THIGHS


Are You In A Relationship? no (sigh)

Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends? on the thin side but not the thinnest (yet…;) )

I AM –
[] anorexic
[x] ednos
[] bulimic
[] living off diet pills
[] hungry
[] thirsty
[] drinking something
[] Under 100lbs
[] starving yourself
[] participating in a fast

PEOPLE –
[] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[] say I’m ugly
[] say I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic (even I dont know..)

I WISH –
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[] I didn’t have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[] I was under 110lbs
[] I could avoid food
[x] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE –
[] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[x] shaking
[] being weak
[x] losing weight
[] being anorexic/bulimic
[] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself


  • APPEARANCE
    [ ] I am 5’5.
    [x] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
    [] I have many scars.
    [] I tan easily.
    [] I wish my hair was a different color.
    [] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
    [ ] I have a tattoo.
    [x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
    [x] I have/had braces.
    [ ] I wear glasses.
    [x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free
    [] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
    [ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
    [] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
    [] I have freckles.

    FAMILY
    [] I’ve sworn at my parents.
    [ ] I’ve run away from home.
    [ ] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
    [] My biological parents are together.
    [ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
    [x] I want to have kids someday.
    [ ] I’ve had children.
    [ ] I’ve lost a child.

    EMBARASSMENT
    [] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
    [] Disney movies still make me cry.
    [x] I’ve peed from laughing.
    [x] I’ve snorted while laughing.
    [x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.

    RELATIONSHIPS
    [x] I’m single
    [ ] I’m in a relationship.
    [ ] I’m engaged.
    [ ] I’m married.
    [ ] I’ve gone on a blind date.
    [ ] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
    [x] I miss someone right now.
    [x] I have a fear of abandonment.
    [] I’ve cheated in a relationship.
    [ ] I’ve gotten divorced
    [ x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back. <–story of my life!
    [ ] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
    [] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

    SEXUALITY
    [ ] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
    [x ] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
    [] I am a cuddler.
    [ ] I’ve been kissed in the rain.

    HONESTY
    [x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t
    [x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
    [ ] I’ve snuck out of my house.
    [ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
    [x] I am keeping a secret from the world
    [x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
    [x] I’ve cheated on a test.
    [ ] I’ve been suspended from school.

    BAD TIMES
    [ x] I’ve consumed alcohol.
    [ ] I regularly drink.
    [ x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
    [x] I shut others out when I’m upset.
    [ x] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
    [x ] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
    [] I’m addicted to self harm.
    [] I’ve woken up crying

  • my new girl-crush

    September 19, 2009

    ever since pushing daisies was murdered (well…cancelled), i’ve been watching the series over again on dvds from netflix.

    and it seems like there was something that i didn’t quite catch the first time around: how wonderful charlotte charles is. i mean, her outfits are adorable and she’s happy-go-lucky… it’s awesome!

    and i looked up anna friel on imdb, and guess what! she’s 5’2!!! yay! i love when my petite peeps are represented on television… especially with this influx of supermodel-tall actors. (like in grey’s anatomy, though i still love the show.)

    charcharles

    this show also features my new boy-crush: lee pace. i love guys with prominant eyebrows. haha

    so i’ve had a crap week. but i saw on imaginenamaste’s blog, a list of things that she was proud of about herself, regarless of crappy things that are happening. so here is my own– a list of good things about the bad things and about me:

    1. i will have more time now (for homework, friends, family, my appearance, etc.)
    2. i won’t be as tired/ stressed (goes along with ^)
    3. i don’t have to eat as much (aka i can go back on my 1000 cal diet. yay!)
    4. i get to see who my real friends are
    5. i have a small gap between my thighs (haha, random)
    6. i still have my brain (which helps me write poetry and will hopefully help me get into an ivy league college)
    7. i’m somewhat pretty (when i don’t smile)
    8. i can spend more quality time with my hobbies (fashion, bracelet-making, knitting,…)
    9. i’ll be home more, so maybe we can finally get another dog (?)
    10. i love my petiteness; love wearing children’s clothes, bracelets, etc.

    you know, that made me feel good. 🙂