hey, everybody!
June 13, 2010
i just did an hour of yoga!
…ok, actually just 40 minutes, but that’s pretty good, right? i exercise at gym at school about every other day (elliptical or treadmill) and occasionally use my crap elliptical at home when i freak about about eating too much (i guess a part of me is exercise-bulimic…?) or dance when my ipod just happens to be on and playing a good song and i’m alone, but i’ve never had much of a consistent, at-home routine.
maybe it’s time to start one. maybe i’m not young enough anymore that i can get away with simply dieting to lose weight and look fabulous. (i AM of voting age now, after all…)
i found my yoga video on my netflix instant play thing and there’s dancing and pilates too, so maybe once school’s out i should do a video every other day, and for now, do one a week…
i think that’s a good plan, right?
in further news, when i get to where i want to be body-wise, i want to try acting or modeling. my dream is to take a train across the country to los angeles and stay for a few weeks to a month and just audition like crazy! i could stay in some motel or rent a crap apartment… and i don’t know who i’d go with. could i go alone? it’s kind of going against the whole buddy-system rule…
i guess my plan still needs some ironing out, but it sounds promising, right? i wish i could go this summer, but i’m going to have a lot to do to get ready for college, so i’m setting my sights on next summer.
maybe this summer, i can just start in new york. which would make sense. why go across the country when i can audition locally? i mean, i guess i view los angeles as having more opportunities, but then again i’ve never been there…
so new york. this summer. PRACTICE.
and in order to get anywhere, especially since i haven’t acted since middle school and wasn’t particularly good, i’m going to need to look awesome. have that whole star-quality thing down. good body. good hair. good clothes. good skin. (any tips for good skin, btw? it’s usually OK, but around THAT TIME… not great ๐ฆ )
what do you think? this is crazy, right? but maybe it would be fun, and i’d know i tried when i was young…
anyway, how about some pictures?
^^^i want these thighs
^^^ sometimes i wish i were model-tall… or even just tall… or of a normal height
^^^i’m OBSESSED with nautical stripes. esp in navy.
^^^the way she walks, she looks like a much-skinnier version of me. all i need are those lovely arms and calves… but i feel like my calves are so bulky/ stumpy, and not long and lean. anyone know what i can do about that?
alright, everyone. happy sunday! and don’t forget to dream big ๐
woot woot! 4 pages
February 10, 2010
i had a dream
September 10, 2009
… last night. i was going to a school function (some senior class/ graduation thing) and i saw this really nice teacher i had sophmore year (she still says hi to me, etc. even though i wasn’t interested in her subject). i told her that i wanted to leave because only people who i really dislike were there and we started talking and she was like, “wait… did you lose weight? you’re so skinny!” and the teacher next to he was like, “yeah. you are!” and something about my arms. it was flattering, but also slightly accusatory so i just said, “i’ve been running a lot” which wasn’t/ isn’t true.
i woke up feeling happy ๐
any dream interpreters out there care to take a gander at what this means?
running
September 5, 2009
i’m afraid to go running. i’m afraid to bring back memories, afraid to make my thighs big.
my mom says i should go running because it’ll make me happier. i don’t know…
i want to burn calories and fat, but my thighs! ugh. they’re already too big for my liking from all that field hockey sprinting. like adding insult to injury…
i don’t know what i should do. i hope i figure it out.
i’m still tired. maybe that’s why i sound/ feel so robotic?
tryouts: day 3
August 24, 2009
today, instead of conditioning, we had our annual track day (aka hell)… but i didn’t think it was too bad. maybe i’m getting in shape?
so after running countless 20s, 40s, 60s, 80s, 100s, etc., we did some drills and i was fun! i got to practice my hits (especially my drive and slapshot) for the froshies to deflect into the goal. except, they didn’t have much luck. but they’re young; they’ll learn.
but during that drill, coach was standing off to the side for a while and watching us, so i think he saw how strong my hits have gotten (!!!). let’s hope…
and then i had my stopping test with this really intense ball machine that goes 50 mph and makes the ball hop. seriously, IMPOSSIBLE. one of my sophmores got 0 stops, and a junior who’s really intense at defense got 4. (and this is out of 10) i got 3. but when i had my practice turn, i did SO MUCH BETTER. no joke. i stopped 6, i think. i wish that one had counted…
then we did a little scrimmage and i felt like my defensive positioning came back, but i’m not quite there skillwise yet. at one point, our goalie said “watch out!” or something like that, but i didn’t know what she meant. it’s difficult with goalies, i think, because you have to find the balance between not giving them enought support and getting in their way. and communication is something that’s difficult for me, so it doesn’t always work out so well…
THEN… (we had no ending conditioning…yay!) coach sat us down and talked to us. he said that he was really proud of all the effort that we’ve been putting forth, etc. but that he was still going to have to make some cuts. grrr… i’d thought (wished) that he’s forgotten about that.
so yeah… i’m nervous again.
i went to the team roster (excluding goalies) that i’ve made for myself and found 3 people other than me who i think might get cut. 2 are sophmores (one of them i REALLY REALLY like ๐ฆ ) who just aren’t in good enough physical shape and/or have weak skills. one of them seems to have a bad attitude, too. i’m always friendly to her, but to no avail.
the other is a junior. she’s a real story, let me tell you. last year, she came 3(?) days late to tryouts and the coaches pretty much told her to go away. i thought that was the last of her. but this year she comes out the first day but… her forms aren’t in. so she sits out the first 2 days.
yep. today was the first day she played, and with really no excuse. i mean, what is that? we’ve been working our butts off for 2 more days than her. honestly, i was suprised that the coaches didn’t make her leave this time, but i guess it’s because she DID show up on time. so i’m thinking they’re going to cut her, because coach kind of implied a while back that if you sit out during tryouts, the coaches don’t get to see you play as much… *wink wink*
and then there’s a junior who MIGHT get cut. i kind of doubt it, because she has good hits, but she’s gotten slower this year, and i never really thought she was a good player to begin with– too passive. (like me. yes, i’m a hypocrite.)
so yeah… we have a team dinner tonight; i’m still debating whether or not i should go. it;s at this pub = fatty food. ๐ฆ and a lot of people to notice my new eating habits. ๐ฆ
BUT the head coach might be there, so maybe it would be good for me to make an appearence, even though they’re pretty much deciding the teams right now. ahhh!
coach did say that people with skill are gonna have to go. i guess i’ll have to wait until tomorrow to figure out what, exactly, that means…
tryouts: day 2
August 23, 2009
today we started with some conditioning that i like better: the snake run. pretty much, you run around the field, jogging the longs and sprinting the shorts. it’s tiring, but there’s more rest time and shorter sprints; my lungs like that. ๐ and today a lot of people still had to drop out or rest, but i stayed in the whole time and used all of my might in the finishing sprint. coach said good job (as he said to everyone) but he sounded really sincere (he’s aware of my lung troubles).
then we did some drills in small groups (i LOVE small groups) and i got to be with my soph friends. they’re sooo nice and cute and their skills are more at my level. i was practicing defense and i got the ball awya more times than i didn’t. i hope coach saw…
but THEN we had to do a timed mile, and my lungs were still recovering from drills andย conditioning, so i came in last in my group, not by TOO much and i’m sure people in other groups (i hope) did wore than me, but i was still embarassing. i mean, i’m a senior for crying out loud. a SENIOR. i shouldn;t come in last when i’m racing against sophys. it just stinks. i know that part of it is my lungs, but i don’t want to have to have an excuse; i just want to do it. be good. be fast. but my limit is probably much lower than that of many of my (hopefully) future-teammates.
then we did some more timed shiz. i think i did ok; median. i’m fine with that, i think.
and then we ended with the same sprints that we ended with yesterday, but instead of breaking it up into 3 sets, we did one long set. but not as long as the 3 sets put together, if you know what i mean.
and then …(like in dude where’s my car, if you’ve seen that movie) and then we had a senior meeting (seniors only ๐ )and planned for the team pool party (ahhh, swimsuit ๐ฆ ) and cool stuff like that.
that makes it EXTREMELY embarassing if i get cut.
but we’re all going out to dinner tomorrow, so that should be fun. ๐
AND i think i burned a ton of calories again. hooray!!!
BUT i have yet to see my love. where is he?!? ๐ฆ i used to see him all the time dring tryouts last year. that is, before i cared. ugh. cosmic jokes.