sooo nervous

December 8, 2009

i’m sorry i haven’t posted recently, but i have a good reason! i think i told you guys i had swine flu, right? well i missed a WHOLE lot of school so i’ve been busy busy busy making up tests, copying notes, reading a whole book in two days (ehem)… etc.

i hope when i catch up i’ll be able to start blogging regularly again!

anyhow, this thursday (which is two days away) is a REALLY big day for my because i’m getting my college early decision results. i applied to an extremely competitive school so odds are i won’t get in… but i love the school so much!

ugh… i’m dreading it.

anyway, i find out at 5pm so if you happen to be looking at a clock and realize it’s 5 pm eastern time, i wouldn’t mind receiving some good vibes. 😉

i had a dream

September 10, 2009

… last night. i was going to a school function (some senior class/ graduation thing) and i saw this really nice teacher i had sophmore year (she still says hi to me, etc. even though i wasn’t interested in her subject). i told her that i wanted to leave because only people who i really dislike were there and we started talking and she was like, “wait… did you lose weight? you’re so skinny!” and the teacher next to he was like, “yeah. you are!” and something about my arms. it was flattering, but also slightly accusatory so i just said, “i’ve been running a lot” which wasn’t/ isn’t true.

i woke up feeling happy 🙂

any dream interpreters out there care to take a gander at what this means?

besides from actually having work this first week (wtf?!? jk…) i’m glad to be back because…

it’s SOOO much easier to eat less than 1000 cal. i keep getting in the 900 cal range which i like. not unhealthy, but gives me a pretty darn good deficit. and i’m not irritable/ faint. good stuff 🙂

and walking from calss to class? it’s exercise! how did i not realize this before?

i bet i burn at least 100 cal walking to classes and to and from my car, etc.

loving the “school” diet plan 😉

got an email back

August 31, 2009

from my coach. FINALLY.

except, it wasn’t what i expected. there wasn’t even a hint of apology. it was hostile, and quite frankly, rude. some (aka my mom) might even call it “mean.”

it was pretty much him trying to cover his butt and kicking me while i’m down in the process. not nice.

and you know what? part of what he said in attempt to cover his butt was irrelevant, for it wasn’t something that coaches are even allowed to take into consideration for cuts.

what is this? off-season participation. it isn’t even ALLOWED to matter according to my school handbook. it’s a rule.

my mom says i put too much emphasis on rules, but what if everyone else is just putting too little? aren’t rules there so that we can follow them?

well, he OBVIOUSLY didn’t follow them. and then he was a jerk about it.

he’s on my “do not like” list, now.

so i went for a run today– about 1/2 a mile long. i went at a decent pace too; it probably took me less than 5 minutes which is good for someone who really hasn’t hard-core exercised since field hockey season ended last year (october?)  but OH WOW. when i was done i wanted to die! my body was all shakey and i felt extremely nauseas (i usually have only mild nausea)– i felt like the world was spinning. i could hardly make the 1/2 mile walk home.

it probably didn’t help that i’ve had only 950 calories today, but honestly, i wasn’t hungry and had to push it a little to even get it to that point. so, wtf?!? am i supposed to eat more even when i’m not hungry?

this is very confusing stuff.

but, alas, i must get this all figured out ASAP because summer workouts have started and i’m supposed to start showing up on wed…. but really, i still have another month before tryouts. that’s nice to know.

but wow. i feel like total crap. i guess i just wanted to share??? lol

i do feel good about myself though. it’ll get easier. i hope.

and i reckon i burned about 200 cal… which puts me back at 750. not too shabby.

ok… how about some fun news???

i got 2 packages today! yay! one had this really cute black quilted bag with a long chain so it can be worn cross-body. i love it.

i also got a grey, cotton, high-waisted skirt like one i already have and wear all the time, so i thought that another one might be a good purchase. plus, they hide my thighs while i’m trying to work on them. haha.

and then i got this yellow shirt with flowers that’s really loose and flowy. i think i’m the most proud of that one; i put it right on! lol

idk… i was just really excited about that. and getting new clothes really makes me want to eat less and do this right. i mean, i’m a senior now; i have to be on the top of my game. i have to be smart, skinny; stylish. i have to be someone to look up to.

i still have about 1.5 months to sort it out, but i really want to get there.