apple cider vinegar

October 20, 2010

(by the way, i’m posting this from the building i take french in. how cool is that? i love laptops!)

this stuff is amazing: put it in water and it suppresses your appetite. put it on your skin and it cleans and dries out pimples.

it does smell really gross though… which i suppose is a good thing when you’re trying to avoid food.

so i had lunch with CG yesterday. and some of his friends. at first it was awkward like it usually is, but then i started to get more comfortable and they started talking to me instead of around me and it was kind of fun. they aren’t the kind of people i would choose as friends for myself, but they can be very entertaining.

anyway, i just thought of that because i’m waiting for him now. he has a class in this building in about half an hour, so we usually get to talk either before or after. its nice.

i’m still attracted to him, and i get jealous when he so much as talks to another girl, but i’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that he isn’t the one i want, and that we’d probably make a horrible couple.

also, another guy has come into the picture. i’ll call him TA because that’s what he is: my TA.

why does this always happen? 😉

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as promised

^^^ if only…

^^^ i LOVE gemma!!! she’s so beautiful

can i talk about something a little off topic? right now i’m experiencing semi-requited love. he’s with someone and he’s very committed (ie committed to be engaged) but i know that he has feelings for me and has probably thought a couple of if… then… statements regarding me. and i wish he would admit this, though i understand he can’t, but it’s painful. it’s painful to know that the feelings are there but a relationship will probably never even be attempted… wasted feelings… so close, yet so far… and to know that i’ll probably never get any confirmation of this from him… that i could be imagining it, though i’m not the only one who sees it… no, sir.

i don’t think that anyone should have to wonder, and i think that if someone attached does wonder, it might be an indication that something in the relationship is awry. not that i’ve ever been in a serious relationship… those are just my thoughts, if they’re comprehensible.

i just wish there was something bold, but not destructive to him or his current relationship that i could do to… i don’t know… feel somewhat satisfied that i did all i could to make this one dream really happen.

what do you think? (i’m sorry that i’ve been asking so many questions lately)

ahoy, matey!

June 15, 2010

as per the advice of a lovely commenter, i’ve purchased some yerba mate tea bags. supposedly, ym helps with digestion and associated issues, weight loss, low energy levels… which is perfect for me! it seems too good to be true…

but i guess i’ll find out soon enough; i’ve got my first mug full of it next to me right now. it has a subtly odd smell and kind of tastes like green tea… i’m trying to decide whether that’s good or bad.

also… since my friends and i will soon be high school graduates, we were taking pictures today, and i must say that tip about holding your shoulders back really DOES make you look ten pounds lighter!!! i was like WOW i look so small! (in a cute way.) and if you have your arms on your hips, move your elbows back so that with your body, your arm creates a 45 degree angle (or whatever feels comfortable). i thought i’d look like a fool doing this… like some stiff, barbie-doll model but it’s starting to feel natural! i can’t wait to take more pictures tomorrow…

also, an old friend of mine, whom i kind of feel out of loop with during high school (though we ALWAYS happily chat when we run into each other) has been struggling with a combination of anorexia and exercise bulimia and has to be home-schooled now. i’ve been thinking about her a lot lately, because i want to be there for her if i can or at least provide some kind words. any advice? i saw her today and asked her how she was and she, chipper as always, replied that she was really good… 😦

i mean, i get it. i obviously get it– wanting to be thin. i don’t think i’m above her or anything AT ALL. that would simply be hypocritical. but i like to think that i know when to stop… i mean, when i was low 90s i was getting kind of freaked, but she must have 0-4% body fat at this point. she’s much worse off than me right now, so i feel like i should do whatever i can, because she’s always been kind to me… and she’s just one of those people who makes the world a better place!

so yes, any suggestions… because this is such a fragile topic.

now, as crude as i know it seems, i need to indulge in some sort of inspirational pictures, but i’ll keep it brief, because i don’t feel quite right about it knowing that my friend who’s suffering, and my other friend who’s been suffering even longer, probably looked at similiar pictures… maybe even saw the same ones.

not that i blame the pictures; not everyone who looks at a model develops an ED… ED’s appear to be hereditary to a large extent. i know mine is.

i need to stop ranting.

you know what? no photos on this post. i’ll put some on a separate post; i just feel too weird about it.

either that or i’m going crazy, but i feel like my thighs and calves are slowly expanding again and it’s driving me INSANE!

anyone have tips? eating? exercise? i’ve gotta get this under control… 😦

ok… so while i was gone i met a lot of people, a number of them very thinpirational people. i won’t put there pictures up here, but i can tell you about them:

two of them were twins–very petite twins (only 5 ft). swimmers. only ate organicalley (something about their mom being a health nut). never had cheetos. never had pop tarts. thin, muscular legs and arms. one could do 18 pull-ups but wasn’t at all bulky.

another played soccer and seemed to be a pretty healthy eater. she was taller… maybe 5’5 or 5’6. here legs and arms were, again, muscular but not bulky. she was extremely active, always kicking around a ball. she also had very narrow shoulders.

the last one i recall was a dancer. she was very tall. 5’9 or 5’10 and VERY skinny, with long legs and graceful arms. she was also an extreme health nut. she ate salad for both lunch and dinner, and yogurt and a banana for breakfast. she also ran whenever she could, and had a long, ballerina neck.

these people were very inspiring to me, as they all had two things in common: they ate healthily and were active. well, and a third: they were skinny.

so, if change my ways, i can be skinny too.

anyone else want to challenge themselves? i’d love to have a buddy. 🙂