do you ever look around your school/ workplace/ neighborhood and notice all of these people who look better than you? i know i do. and thanks to facebook, i get to notice them A LOT because these people just love posting pictures of themselves.

which is vain, i suppose, though i wonder if i’d do the same if i looked like they did.

the bikini pictures get me the most. i mean, these are real people the i know… not people whose pictures i found by typing “thinspo” into Google images… and they look so much better than me that it’s crazy.

because i know i don’t look bad. i know that. i’m not anywhere close to being overweight.

maybe that’s it. i know that i’m close, so i keep asking myself why i can’t just go a little further and be proud of how i look in pictures and real life.

especially pictures… i think there’s something wrong with my mirror, because i’ll look at myself and think good things, and then i’ll see pictures of myself from that same day later and thing whaaat? what happened?

do you know what i mean? it’s like some cruel optical illusion. 😦

so here are the promised pictures:

^^^ i want arms like these

^^^ i love this dress! anyone know where i can get one like it?

^^^ i LOVE her. so pretty.

^^^ can these please be my legs?

huh. her face kind of looks like mine. her hair kind of looks like mine too. but her body? ha!

anyhow, yesterday i was kind of trying to hint to my friend that i have an ED because i was bored and because i hoped she would be supportive.

i said, “when i was a sophmore i didn’t eat for three weeks.”

and then she started going off about how she knows because one time she fit into a small.

i kept my cool, but really??? i was trying to talk to her about something serious and she just made light of it.

needless to say, when i try again to talk to someone about this, it WON’T be her.

i’m sorry for this long post, but i just have a quick Q: how can one gain ten pounds in a week while eating the same amount she’s been eating? because last week, my weight went from 92 to 100.

ok, so that’s 8 pounds, but how is that possible? can bloating alone cause it?

and why, this week, am i 102???

i’m kind of flipped out here, because i really changed NOTHING and i was doing so, so well… 😦

at least yesterday was good. i was so busy with my friends after school that i only ended up eating 600 calories, which is low for my taste, but it’s better than high.

maybe socializing is the key to weight loss. maybe that’s why all those “popular” girls from my school are so skinny…

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pictuuures

June 8, 2010

crisis averted. drank a little beer to settle my stomach and then went to bed.

so, i’m getting a new computer, so i’m gonna start posting mass amounts of pictures so that i don’t have transfer them. i hope that’s ok.

^^^ i love skins 🙂

^^^ this is the beach body i’d like

^^^ cute sweater (i love sweaters)

have any of you ever been in love with someone with a boyfriend/ girlfriend/ significant other, maybe even a fiance or spouse, or just someone you couldn’t have for whatever reason? because i need some serious advice on this subject and i’m feeling very alone right now. 😦

ps. i got a twitter, but it’s my personal one so i’m afraid to post it here lest someone figures out this blog is mine. not that i’m ashamed of anything i’ve written here… it’s just very personal. anyway, if any of you have one, we should exchange.

big thinspo post

February 26, 2010

because i was away for a while…

so i’m still a vegan, and i’m finding it much easier to meet my goals this way since it cuts out so many temptations. and it’s not like i want to eat these things because i feel bad. AND, sans my cold that appears to not want to leave, my body feels really good… better than it has in a long time.

i’m still nervous for my weigh-in on sunday, though. what if i’m back in the triple-digits? i know that i said that the 99 was probably a fluke, but i REALLY want to believe that it wasn’t.

let me explain

June 30, 2009

i think i owe you an explanation for the random posting of quiz results yesterday:

i’ve recently gotten on quite the skins kick. if you don’t know what skins is, it’s the most AMAZING british show and you should watch it. 🙂

the character who i’m obsessed with– and scored as, hence my posting– is cassie, the anorexic girl. each episode of the show is partially devoted to one particular chracter, giving viewers a glimpse further into his/ her life. if nothing else, you should watch cassie’s episode. though i’ve never been in rehab for my ED, i can relate to her struggles. an especiallly wonderful scene is when she explains to another character on the show how she makes it seem like she’s eating during mealtime. it was painful and helpful at the same time.

here’s some pics. i find them pretty thinspirational:

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tony and cassie

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normal_skins_102_cassie_251

standing outside of rehab

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the cast

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gosh, skins is such a lovely show… and cassie is sooo awesome and SUPER skinny. i mean that last pic? look at her legs! that’s what i want.

she reminds me a lot of luna lovegood– in both appearence and behavior. they’re both pretty, spacey blondes with really eccentric style.

at least, that’s what i thought of upon first seeing the show.

so… WATCH IT!!!  🙂