finals week

December 10, 2010

so, i SHOULD be studying for my french final tomorrow. i REALLY should. i mean, i studied the vocab and i’m pretty set on that… but studying grammar is just depressing. you know it’s true.

and i certainly know it’s true. i’m DIAGNOSED, after all.

and then there’s the fact that my beloved french TA informed us that she might not be teaching our french section next semester.

i almost cried.

she’s the kind of TA that treats us like the adults we are (she TRUSTS us) and really, TRULY cares about us. we had this potluck once, and she made what she brought in vegan so i could have some. (i’m the only vegan in the class.)

it was so sweet that when i left that class, i DID cry a bit.

anyway, she’s what every TA, teacher, professor,… WHATEVER should be. and i simply can’t imagine next semester without her…

and so, when i’m studying french and bits and pieces from class this semester start darting around my brain, i get sad. i get REALLY FREAKING SAD… and i want to stop.

but i can’t if i want to get a good grade. and i DO! i want to attend Harvard for my graduate degree, so i really do want to do well, but i feel so down.

and all this french–the words, the sounds, though beautiful– is making this all painfully difficult.

i’m sorry for such a downer post… but this is what my life is like sometimes. a lot.

a tout a l’heure… a bientot…

whichever i decided

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alone

October 17, 2010

so guess who didn’t show up last night? or text. or call. or answer my call. yeah, that would be CG.

i really wanted to come. i thought this time would be different. i thought we would fall asleep together, and he’d realize that i’m what he wants. he always complains about how girls always see him as just a friend, but i don’t. i’m here. i’m not unattractive.

i try to be a good friend. i try. he seems like he isn’t trying at all these days.

i really need to stop becoming enamored with people who can’t/ won’t reciprocate. i guess it’s all part of having “daddy issues” from a lack of any consistent father-figure. (i mean, i LOVE my dad, but we didn’t spend much time together.)

c’est la vie.

anyhow, i just got back from brunch:

^^^ i ate this. and then i went and got more of the dim sum.

my estimate? 900 calories. terrific. but i AM going to a concert tonight (Phoenix) and so i will make it a point to dance.

and i have my gym class today. and a LOT of studying (not much time to think about food, i hope).

i need to do this! i’ve already lost almost 2 pounds since last week! 3 more and i’m back into the 90s where i want to be. and when i’m 98, i’m going to buy myself a briefcase-inspired satchel. in brown.

🙂 / 😦

au revoir!

back!

October 4, 2009

hi, guys! sorry i haven’t written in a while… i’ve been really busy with homework, studying, emt, and college essays, but hopefully things will settle down soon… it’s pretty stressful here, but i hope you’re all ok.

i ate waaay too much the past 2 days. yesterday, i actually went OVER my limit so i didn’t have a deficit (it’s been SOOO long since i’ve done that) and the day before i was over 1200. yuck. and today i definitely looked fatter. my stomach wasn’t as flat and my legs were definitely heavier. and today i’ve already had 500 cal. ugh. 😦

i need to get back on track!!! i’m just so tired and stressed all the time. help!

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can i tell you the truth?

August 11, 2009

i HATE field hockey. hate it. i love the sport, but i despise playing it at a higher level. i dislike most of the people who play, and competition freaks me out.

and i really hate not being the best.

and i hate practices and all of the sprinting that we have to do, because not only does it bulk up thighs, but it’s damn painful.

but…

i LOVE the things it does to my upper-body (six-pack much?) and arms. and i adore the uniform and i enjoy being part of something. it’s like a sorority.

AND i love how it will allow me to see my love a bit more. that’s always nice.

but…

it takes up SO MUCH FRICKING TIME! time that i should be using to complete my school work and study and EMT… because that’s the kind of stuff that could potentially get me into an ivy league college. NOT field hockey.

and i can always scorekeep and be pseudo- part of the team.

but…

i LOVE ordering all the clothes with the logo and whatnot– sweatshirts, sweatpants, shirts. it’s the most wonderful day when they finally come.

AND i’m finally a senior. i’m one of the top dogs. i’ve waited years to be in this position.

so i don’t know. i can’t tell if i want to quit because i’m lazy or because i really think it’s for my own good. in fact, i’m not really sure if i even want to quit. maybe that’s just what i want today. and yesterday. and the day before.

ugh! i have no clue! what do you guys think i should do?