finals week

December 10, 2010

so, i SHOULD be studying for my french final tomorrow. i REALLY should. i mean, i studied the vocab and i’m pretty set on that… but studying grammar is just depressing. you know it’s true.

and i certainly know it’s true. i’m DIAGNOSED, after all.

and then there’s the fact that my beloved french TA informed us that she might not be teaching our french section next semester.

i almost cried.

she’s the kind of TA that treats us like the adults we are (she TRUSTS us) and really, TRULY cares about us. we had this potluck once, and she made what she brought in vegan so i could have some. (i’m the only vegan in the class.)

it was so sweet that when i left that class, i DID cry a bit.

anyway, she’s what every TA, teacher, professor,… WHATEVER should be. and i simply can’t imagine next semester without her…

and so, when i’m studying french and bits and pieces from class this semester start darting around my brain, i get sad. i get REALLY FREAKING SAD… and i want to stop.

but i can’t if i want to get a good grade. and i DO! i want to attend Harvard for my graduate degree, so i really do want to do well, but i feel so down.

and all this french–the words, the sounds, though beautiful– is making this all painfully difficult.

i’m sorry for such a downer post… but this is what my life is like sometimes. a lot.

a tout a l’heure… a bientot…

whichever i decided

men. sigh.

October 25, 2010

so last night at about 9, i get a call. who’s it from? CG. he wants to go skating. his friends from his building can’t go, so he wants me to step in.

i’ll take it!

so we go. we skate. we talk. he makes fun of my skating because after 8 year of not skating i’ve forgotten how. i almost fall a few times and he catches me.

it was FUN. and i got to know another layer of him… because that’s the thing with him. he has TONS of layers, and some people just can’t seem to get past that first arrogant (but trés amusant!) layer.

and he really enjoys my company. he told me that. 🙂 but i can’t help thinking that maybe i’m the consolation prize to (is that the right word?) his friends… or my friend, whom he liked but didn’t share his feelings.

and then this morning in discussion i see TA. and he’s still pale with those eyes. and still kind of awkward. and i feel like even though CG and i SHOULD be able to work it out (i mean, we’re in the same year, both single, get along, etc.) but i feel like i have a better chance with TA. and i shouldn’t. it’s crazy!

and then my mom texts me and asks me if i have a boyfriend. she’s “just wondering.” bluh.

but, hey! i had a good day yesterday eating-wise AND burned some calories skating.

and i just bought new skates so i can burn more. 😉

apple cider vinegar

October 20, 2010

(by the way, i’m posting this from the building i take french in. how cool is that? i love laptops!)

this stuff is amazing: put it in water and it suppresses your appetite. put it on your skin and it cleans and dries out pimples.

it does smell really gross though… which i suppose is a good thing when you’re trying to avoid food.

so i had lunch with CG yesterday. and some of his friends. at first it was awkward like it usually is, but then i started to get more comfortable and they started talking to me instead of around me and it was kind of fun. they aren’t the kind of people i would choose as friends for myself, but they can be very entertaining.

anyway, i just thought of that because i’m waiting for him now. he has a class in this building in about half an hour, so we usually get to talk either before or after. its nice.

i’m still attracted to him, and i get jealous when he so much as talks to another girl, but i’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that he isn’t the one i want, and that we’d probably make a horrible couple.

also, another guy has come into the picture. i’ll call him TA because that’s what he is: my TA.

why does this always happen? 😉