100.8

December 21, 2010

remember yesterday when i praised the lack of a decimal point? well, screw that, because i like this number better!

100.8

it’s only .2 away from 101, but what a difference it makes! i mean, i now have hope that maybe, possibly, i can get back into the double digits by christmas!

what a gift that would be…

i guess i’m doing something right. i started a new exel spreadsheet to keep track of my daily calorie-intake, etc. and this one also keeps track of my weight… meaning that i have to weight myself every single day. i think that is definitely helping me get back on track!

in fact, a study done at my university found that students who weighed themselves everyday were much, much, much (can you tell that i don’t remember the percentage? 😉 ) more likely to NOT gain the freshman 15.

well, my personal findings support that supposition.

^^^ gorgeous calves!

anyhow, how are all of you? i was gone for so long this fall that i’m trying to catch up on all of my blogs and it’s taking a while. 🙂

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101

December 20, 2010

while not perfect– or, really, ideal— it’s not 102.8!

woo-frickin’-hoo!!!

seriously, i was stuck on that darn number for… a week? 10 days? (something ridiculous)

and now i’ve finally made it off that number and onto a different, lower number. (and one without any of those decimal points, which i like. 101.0. so chic, so sleek.)

yay.

also… my finals are over! HUZZAH! and i’m home 🙂 which is nice because i love my family… and i have easy access to an exercise bike AND an elliptical in our wonderful basement ❤ for when i eat too much. it’s my way of purging, so i suppose i’m running down that path towards “exercise bulimia” or “exercise anorexia”… but isn’t it healthier to get rid of calories by exercising then by vomiting?

anyway… celebratory thinspo:

a demain

happy halloween!

October 31, 2010

i almost forgot about it… and then i looked at the date. so… happy happy!

just, don’t eat too much candy 🙂

it’s my first college halloween, so i’ll definitely be going out! (apparently, people have been going out in costume all weekend. there’s nothing quite like walking back from a friend’s– CG’s 🙂 — and seeing spongebob stumbling around…)

i shall be the glorious daphne from none other than scooby doo, and my wonderful friends will be the lesser characters 😉

what are you guys going out as?

thinspo 10/25/10

October 25, 2010

^^^ really creative title, eh? 😉

^ a tad halloween-themed 🙂

^ vera farmiga. LOVE her. i mean, up in the air? boy in the striped pajamas? terrific movies, in my opinion.

ok. tis all. 🙂

apple cider vinegar

October 20, 2010

(by the way, i’m posting this from the building i take french in. how cool is that? i love laptops!)

this stuff is amazing: put it in water and it suppresses your appetite. put it on your skin and it cleans and dries out pimples.

it does smell really gross though… which i suppose is a good thing when you’re trying to avoid food.

so i had lunch with CG yesterday. and some of his friends. at first it was awkward like it usually is, but then i started to get more comfortable and they started talking to me instead of around me and it was kind of fun. they aren’t the kind of people i would choose as friends for myself, but they can be very entertaining.

anyway, i just thought of that because i’m waiting for him now. he has a class in this building in about half an hour, so we usually get to talk either before or after. its nice.

i’m still attracted to him, and i get jealous when he so much as talks to another girl, but i’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that he isn’t the one i want, and that we’d probably make a horrible couple.

also, another guy has come into the picture. i’ll call him TA because that’s what he is: my TA.

why does this always happen? 😉

well, then

June 5, 2010

ironically, i was so darn worried about how i’d look, but that wasn’t the problem at all. i mean, my arms and calves could have been thinner, but i actually felt pretty decent about myself. especially with my hair and makeup all done up…

my problem is that i thought someone would be thee and then he wasn’t.

and now i’m sitting, still wearing my dress because i don’t know what to do with it. and my hair and make-up are still on because i don’t want to wash this short time of beauty away like that.

i think i’m trying to convince myself that the night isn’t over. that i’m still at prom, and he might be coming.

i think i need to write. i mean, i get to write in my creative writing class but i can’t write about my food issues or undying love for one of my ex-teachers or i’d probably get sent to guidance.

and so i’m back! and i must say, i’ve missed this place. it keeps me writing and keeps me on track food-wise. i think when i went on hiatus i was getting down into the 90s. so let me catch you up:

i went down, down, down pretty painlessly… and that scared me. and then i was at 90… and that scared me. but at the same time, i was excited. but i started eating more so now i’m back at 100.

and now i wish i hadn’t been scared. i mean, 90? maybe not. but 95 would have been ok.

but i’ve been trying to lose again because prom is coming up. tomorrow. i hate prom. and i wish i had just stayed at 90… then i would feel sooo much better.

because now i’m really really scared. i HATED how i looked in the pictures last year. my arms and calves, especially. but i was heavier at this time last year, wasn’t i? i feel like i was. i hope i was…

i’m most worried about my arms. they’re all flabby up top. not up to my standards.

now, i think that’s enough complaining for one post.

i hope you all are well! i need to catch up on A LOT of blogs.

cheers

EDIT: i just realized i left you with a bit of a cliffhanger. well, i’m still off the birth control and i do think it’s making losing weight easier. and i’m probably less puffy but right now i’m too negative to see it.

^^^i LOVE this outfit! the pairing of the sweater and the dress makes it…

^^^how can someone so thin still have boobs? for me, there’s a trade-off.

either that or i’m going crazy, but i feel like my thighs and calves are slowly expanding again and it’s driving me INSANE!

anyone have tips? eating? exercise? i’ve gotta get this under control… 😦

thinspo for saturday

January 16, 2010

…because i find that, for me, friday and saturday are the days most likely to throw me off track

TGIF thinpiration

September 11, 2009

i’m SO glad that it’s friday that i can hardly contain myself, though 9/11 is always a somber day where i am, as i live close enough that pretty much everyone i know was affected one way or another, some more gravely then others.

i have been and will be thinking about what transpired 8 years ago all day, but i don’t want to dwell. i’m still happy that the weekend is here. i hope that doesn’t make me morally bankrupt… :-/

im sorry; i’m tired. i had emt class last night.

anyway, pictures:

483

these thighs and arms ❤

484

486

*sigh*

488

489

this outfit is cute, isn’t it?

now, i’ve reached the end of my tired and morally-confused post. please forgive my sloppiness. 😦